I am a Millennial woman. For most of my life, my closest friends have been men. I believe this is because many of my hobbies are considered traditionally male (such as contact sports or history). I also studied in STEM and have prioritized my career over finding a partner whereas most of the women in my area tend to stay in the city for most of their life (go to school, work, marry, have kids, etc.). So, I fully acknowledge that a large part of my problem is my own fault.

I’ve found that even if I reach out to female friends, they don’t respond back or reach out to me so whatever relationship there is fizzles out.

Is there something I am doing wrong? Are there topics which women commonly discuss which I could learn about so I can contribute more to conversations?

Personally my hypothesis is that the women I meet are close with the friends in their area so they don’t need to maintain friendships with women they aren’t close with (literally or figuratively) whereas my male friends have largely moved for work and perhaps since we’re all lonely, we make more of an effort to stay in touch even though we’re in different parts of the world. The solution I can think of is to stop moving around so often and stay in one place.

I really do crave friendships with women and would love someone to do Pilates with, discuss fashion or go shopping, go for brunch with, or any other activity which I do with my male friends (sports, museums, etc.). I just can’t seem to get a message back.

Thanks in advance for any tips/advice.

  • @[email protected]English
    4•1 year ago

    I think it’s more of an age thing than being a woman. The 30s is the age when many people focus on building a family or career. There are simply fewer who have time or interest in socialising and is also difficult to maintain friendship with those who are single, childless or jobless, because interests and priorities aren’t the same anymore.

    I’m sorry I don’t have any advice, I just wanted to say that this is perfectly normal and it probably isn’t you doing anything wrong.

    • @Pat12OP
      2•1 year ago

      I think it’s more of an age thing than being a woman. The 30s is the age when many people focus on building a family or career. There are simply fewer who have time or interest in socialising and is also difficult to maintain friendship with those who are single, childless or jobless, because interests and priorities aren’t the same anymore.

      I’m sorry I don’t have any advice, I just wanted to say that this is perfectly normal and it probably isn’t you doing anything wrong.

      I wonder why this seems to just be the case for women I meet. The men I’ve been friends with (since secondary school for example) still find time to message. Sure, it’s not long video calls like when we were younger (which is to be expected), but surely someone has a few minutes in a week to ask how the other is doing. Neither the women nor the men I’m referring to have children.