This is our third child. We thought we knew what we were doing, at least a tiny bit. Both of her siblings by 4 had figured out that everyone else in the family has wants and needs too and that the world doesn’t revolve around them.
4yo mini is growing and maturing in most other ways. She just really struggles with not getting her way.
A typical conversation:
- Mini: I want my pink bunny
- Dad: You can have your bunny when we get home, but right now we’re going to school (preschool), and we’re not going to turn around. Also, stuffed animals from home aren’t allowed at school.
- Mini: But I want it!
- Dad: It’s okay to be sad. You’ll see pink bunny soon. You have your teddy bear in the car, hug him.
- Mini: I don’t want teddy bear. I want pink bunny!
- Dad: We don’t always get all of the things we want. It’s okay to be sad, but we’re not getting pink bunny now. We’re already on the way to school and your brother and sister don’t want to be late.
- Mini: But I want it!
- Dad: Sorry
- Mini: (5-minute tantrum)
- Mini: (Eventually gets tired of crying or gets distracted) Let’s play I Spy!
Any tips? Anyone else have children that struggled to understand they can’t have everything they want at that age?
I’m especially interested in different ways to phrase it, games, role-play, etc. - anything to help get the concept through and have fewer tantrums.
In this case maybe the issue is not about the bunny. Perhaps she doesn’t want to go to school and she is focusing in the bunny thing to create a conflict.
It happens with our kid too. He is about the same age and he has trouble with transitions. When there is something that he doesn’t want to do, then he creates scenarios that lead to conflicts. Like asking for a toy he knows he lost, or something that he doesn’t have, etc…
What help us is to learn what’s really the issue and try to address that instead of the conflict.