I watched as everyone stopped pooping and then starting dying. It’s pretty damn crowded around here now with all those spoopy ghosts.

I sat and pondered the meaning of it all. Surely multiple people wouldn’t just randomly stop pooping all of a sudden and then die? Dead horses or no, it was damned peculiar.

I spent the next five hours researching all that I could. It finally occurred to me what was really happening, and the clues were there all along! The main cause of…

Hold on, someone’s at the door…brb…