It’s a sunny day, we’re outside, good mood, drinking a coffee. I try to strike a conversation, my gf says its too early for philosophical discussions. I tell her we can instead talk about whatever she feels like. She says she doesn’t want to talk about anything. We weirdly sit in silence for a while. I tell her it’s weird to me, we argue. Is this normal?
It’s normal to want quiet time, especially if you’re spending a lot of time together. Constantly interacting can get exhausting, even if you love the person you’re interacting with.
Consider why you feel the compulsion to fill silence with words. Lots of people (especially these days, with the constant over-stimulation from media and devices) aren’t good at just… Being a person. Just existing without any particular purpose or reason. Simply being is uncomfortable for these people, so they feel the need to force interaction on whoever is around them as a distraction.
It’s no different than reaching for your phone the instant you start to feel bored. Even if you’re bored with your phone already, (already checked all your notifications, already tired of doomscrolling, etc,) it’s just peoples’ first reaction to being bored. Give me an easy distraction so I don’t need to think about how bored I am.
She was on her phone. I was just sitting there, I’m the one who tries to occasionally avoid my phone.
Sometimes people just need to sit there and doomscroll for a few minutes.
My wife and I semi frequently will sit on our two couches in our living room, each dicking around on our phones, not talking to one another. It’s completely fine and natural. We just need to unwind, talking about whatever isn’t going to do that.
If I’m being honest, I’ve always thought the hallmark of a good relationship is one where both sides are comfortable being together without saying a word. Filling space with sound is easy. Talking is easy. Find someone who you can simply exist with, to be in a space without filling the silence with sound and yet feel completely comfortable…then you’ll really have found someone.
Very nicely put, thank you