I (guy) considered myself straight most of my life. Didn’t even think about it. A couple years ago I had some sexual going ons with a dude and enjoyed it, I would happily engage in such things again. This continued for a while. People being attractive is the hook on the end of the line, but having an attractive personality and deeply caring for one another is what I really want. I guess that makes me bisexual. Not that anyone but two of my friends know.
Now I’ve moved and am longing for someone to hold me. I would’ve (probably fruitlessly) gone for women before (and still have interest in them) but I have a concern of anyone taking me the wrong way. I imagine women have some degree of caution when being approached by guys. A minority of guys may approach women with the intent of having sex with them and I’m sure that concern is in the back of their head when a guy they don’t know well is talking to them. I’m concerned about inappropriately coming off this way so that plus a lack of past successes has made me give up hope on that front. Conversely, I feel ‘I’ve got this’ about approaching guys I find attractive. It’s something new to me. (When it comes to expressing romantic interest, though, I’ll probably find the shy part of myself taking over lol.)
Anyways, ramble over. What should I do? Any words of advice? I’m not special, this can’t be a unique situation. Thanks for reading.
I don’t know if I’m just being dyslexic, but I don’t feel like I get the core of your problem. Is it that you’re torn between trying to date/hook up with guys (which feels easier but is new?) vs gals (but you’re worried that women will find your advances unwanted?)?
If I’m understanding you right, then I’ve felt the same way. I’ve actually ended up in a long-term relationship with guy, which isn’t something I’d ever imagined, just because I went through a period of time where I was very stressed and busy and didn’t have time to date girls in the way I’d been used to, but hooking up with guys (via apps) was super easy and stress free. Just happened to meet a guy that I really hit it off with and now we’ve been together a long while.
Anyway, if you’re worried about guy stuff being new, don’t be! People are people, and in the end every man and women is pretty unique, so what seems like a really different thing (dating a different gender from usual) turns out to just be more variety. If you’re worried about women not wanting to be approached, I think if you do it nicely, in a relaxed and friendly manner and take a hint if they’re not interested then it’s okay!
And if you’re worried that you somehow need to choose, you don’t! That one of many joys of being bi, is you can be interested in anyone who tickles your fancy!
Something that I wouldn’t recommend (because I used to do it a lot) is trying to put girls at their ease by dropping hints that I’m bi/queer/interested in guys too. I thought it would help by making me seem less threatening, but only latter found out that depressing number of straight girls have a lot of (subconscious?) biphobia, and assume that if a guy is bi then he’s actually just gay and in denial (or worse, is some sort of std ridden slut).
Not your fault, I didn’t make a good title. You’re on the nose. I just need to be nice, friendly, relaxed like you said. I suppose I’m asking a group of bisexuals a general question hoping for something that’ll be especially resonant with me. I guess there’s also a balancing act of being subtle but letting that part of myself slow when talking to dudes.