Republican Speaker of the House Mike Johnson, in his first remarks after being elected Wednesday afternoon, told Members of Congress that “Scripture” and “the Bible” are clear that they have been “ordained” by God.

    • Nima
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      271 year ago

      god isn’t a good guy. he’s a villain. they can have him.

        • @[email protected]
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          221 year ago

          Nah, just the Abrahmic god that decided to flood the world and kill nearly everyone on it innocent or not.

          • @[email protected]
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            1 year ago

            “Kill your son.”

            “What…?”

            “Do it, prove to me that you care more about doing what I say than you do about your own son.”

            “Are you serious? That’s horrible.”

            “Fucking do it. You want to spend infinite lifetimes in permanent anguish? Kill him. Now. Cut him open on that big flat rock over there. Gut him with a big fuck off knife, like a sword or something. Slice him up.”

            “But he’s my son, I live him.”

            “Sharpen the knife first then. Kill him, or I kill you, and him, and the rest of your family.”

            “Ok, but, ffs, this is insane…”

            “Haha I was just foolin, you don’t have to. I was just joshin. Just joshin with ya.”

            “Should I… Do you want me to kill my son or…”

            “WTF no! I was just messing around. But seriously don’t ever disobey me or you’re fucking done.”

            • @madcaesar
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              71 year ago

              God douche: It was just a prank dude! Since 7th centru AD!

            • Alien Nathan Edward
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              31 year ago

              Impractical Deities be like “Okay Sal, now tell him to bring his kid up to the top of the mountain and kill it.”

            • @Shapillon
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              141 year ago

              Hey you’re gonna die, it’s on you now wink

            • @[email protected]
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              51 year ago

              Noah warned some people, what about the rest of the planet? I’m sure native Americans enjoyed suddenly being drowned with no warning.

                • @[email protected]
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                  31 year ago

                  Ah yes, because the story clearly talks about Noah easily finding land again because only a small part of the world was flooded.

                  • @[email protected]
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                    11 year ago

                    The whole story was bullshit, however floods throughout history are extremely common. Just look at the Libya flood.

                    Old tales from the bible were loosely based off of real life, but embellished heavily.

        • Alien Nathan Edward
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          191 year ago

          Nope, talking about the one who told his followers to rip fetuses out of the bellies of pregnant women and smash them against the rocks, and to take any virgin girl children they find as sex slaves

        • Nima
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          101 year ago

          yahweh’s murder count is well over 2 million. he’s pretty much the god of murder.

        • @afraid_of_zombies
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          81 year ago

          To be clear there is no god. Also to be clear the stories you have about your god describe a poorly written villain who even if it were real, again it isn’t, deserves nothing from humanity except contempt.

          • @twisted28
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            1 year ago

            deleted by creator

                • @afraid_of_zombies
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                  81 year ago

                  No fact. It is factual that your skydaddy doesn’t exist. That being is logically impossible, physically impossible, and we have mountains of evidence against it.

                  Face the universe, accept your mortality, time to grow up.

                  • @EternalNicodemus
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                    -71 year ago

                    I face a universe where God is the puppeteer and we are his toys lol

                • @[email protected]
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                  51 year ago

                  I’m still waiting for the day one of you proves us all wrong and gets a hold of God, maybe gets him on Hannity