A lot of people like the Fair Play deck of playing cards.

My answer is that there are work hours and there are parenting hours. When the full-time worker is at work, so is the at-home-maid-of-all-work (stay at home). BUT, and here’s the key, when the full-time worker comes home, the at-home-maid-of-all-work is off duty as well. Which means that weekend cleaning chores are shared, childcare is shared (it’s called parenting), loading the dishwasher is shared. Just because there’s a stay-at-home spouse, it doesn’t mean the full-time worker is exempt from household duties.

Since there are children in the picture, the main duties of the at home spouse are the safe care for the children and the age appropriate education and stimulation of the children. Perhaps children’s laundry. If you are lucky, household laundry. And maybe supervising contractors and vendors coming to service the home. But that is the entire job description of the at home spouse. Nanny (what I’ve just described) is a FULL TIME PAID JOB. Expecting an at home spouse to be able to do more than a full time job in the hours of a full time job is tempting, but unreasonable.

Does this make sense?

(For reference: I’m a nanny by profession so I am in a house all day with children and can give reasonable guidance as to what one individual can accomplish with children underfoot. By simply duplicating the nanny role, the at home spouse is saving the family five to six figures in outlay were they to hire me, instead. That’s enough. And ought be equivalent to the earnings of the full-time worker.)