Anyway, here’s the story
It’s taken over 2 years and it’s been a weird process overall.
I am in Canada, assessment is free here with a doctors referral.
I’ve been a courseware developer for over a decade now. Part of the job has been to take documents made by instructional designers and make them into courses in various learning systems. Now I only do this as a side gig as the jobs been nearly automated out of existence.
One day I was building up a course on Nerodiversity and it kind of clicked for me. I didn’t actually know much about autism. Growing up it was frequently juxtaposed with down syndrome. So I didn’t learn about it until my 30’s
But I checked a lot of the boxes and decided I should get it checked out.
Doctor said to try CAMH. So I had to call them and explain. They initially told me it wasn’t worth doing and that as long as i am employed then there is no reason for it.
I insisted. I guess you got to really want it to get it. Got told I’d be on a waiting list for 6 months. This is unless I was willing to have it done by a private organization for over $5k. I chose the free option.
6 months later got a call. They wanted to get documents such as all childhood medical documents as well as all my high-school transcripts. I let them know I wasn’t able to get any of that.
6 months later they call against asking for all that and that I give contact info for a parent or guardian. I give them my moms info.
About a year later I get called again. I had pretty much assumed it wasn’t going to happen so I was a little shocked. But they just wanted all the documentation again. This time they actually called me back to book an assessment. They only asked I bring a few seemingly random items from a list.
I ended up having to go to my mom’s house in a differnt city. It was a remote meeting but my mom didn’t know how to do one of those. I borrowed my roomates laptop since I only use a big tower.
I got up at 4am to get to my mom’s place that day. She had 2 new kittens running around. We figured the dining room was the best place to set up the laptop for this.
First half hour he wanted to ask my mom questions. While she answered I could listen but wasn’t allowed to talk. Her two kittens where playing with somthing under the table.
My turn. He asked me a lot of the same questions to confirm my mom’s answers.
About 2 hours in the laptop says it’s about to die on me despite being plugging in. Turns out the kittens ate the cord. So I asked for a short break.
Being prepared for everything. I had actually brought a spare Webcam. I had to install it on my mom’s old pc and install all the right drivers and software in the 15min break.
When the meeting resumes I am a mess, sweaty, exhausted and very tired.
The second part of the assement was even more questions but more subjective then the first half. He also read a child’s picture book with me. He had me describe the I images. It was somthing about flying frogs.
The last part was to take some of the random items I’d been told to bring and make a story with them. I had trouble with that, I’m imaginative but not very creative also I was dead tired.
That was it though, they said they’d call me back with results in 2 weeks. My mom sent my roomate $130 to replace the cord cord her cats ate.
3 weeks later I called them because they didn’t call me back. But today and they told me I am level 1 autistic. Ironically halfway through the short video call my very reliable pc just shut off for no reason. It hasn’t done that before or since. They’ll be sending me some resources and an invite to a workshop of some sort.
Not sure what to do with this yet. I’m just enjoying memes for now.
Holy crap! I paid for mine in Florida, and it was $900. That’s on the low-end because I shopped around, but still. I think the highest cost I found was maybe like $2.5k. $5k seems like wayyyy too much. While I’m on the subject, I think there’s a contradiction with mental health services and a market economy. Those with mental health issues are likely going to be financially worse off than the rest of the population, so charging for them basically makes the services inaccessible to the very people that need them. I don’t know what the solution would be, but there seems to be a fundamental problem with access based on economical matters at the least.
😸😸
Genius move!
These experiences are mentally exhausting, right‽ I completed an online executive functioning questionnaire that my psychologist sent me on Sunday. I was a nervous mess afterwards because I was worried that the thing would show I’m either “normal” or making things up. Maybe my experience has something to do with my history in asking mental health services for help and them implicitly telling me I was making things up.
That was very considerate 😊
Welcome to the club! You’ve always been a member, you just didn’t know it. We have amazing members that accomplish impressive feats, speak and care for those that don’t have voices, spread hope and joy through their persistence, love intensely, welcome the marginalized, and break all sorts of mundane social conventions. Also, the memes are great 😁
I went through the experience of learning I am autistic earlier this year. It was an odd experience in which everything made sense and didn’t at the same time. Suddenly, all of these difficulties and comments people have made throughout my life made sense, but I was also quite confused on to what to even think. It’s like I found out I wasn’t human, and now I have to figure out what species I am and what even are humans then?? It really made me doubt my ability to trust my judgement and perceptions. It also made me even more avoidant of social situations since I didn’t trust myself around others nor did I trust them. To help with this, I went into an deep dive to learn about autism and allism. It was pretty enlightening.
There are a lot of welcoming autistic advocates and educators that share their knowledge and wisdom for free. On top of the information and advocacy that they share, they also feel good. It’s like they know what it’s like to be autistic, so their presentation is comfortable for us. To me, it feels deeply familiar in a way that I haven’t found elsewhere. I recommend that you take a look at the Helpful Resources in our side bar.
Aside from that, I sought and am still receiving therapy from a psychologist that specializes in autism. She was the psychologist that conducted the autism assessment, so she knows my strengths and limitations. With that information, we’ve been working to adjust my life so that I can be happier and more fulfilled. This therapy has been quite different from other therapies I have received in that past. When I went through CBT for PTSD, it helped me reduce a lot of guilt and anger I was experiencing, but it was exhausting and ultimately not comprehensive enough. The PTSD issues would eventually comeback because there wasn’t a plan to help prevent future trauma related to autistic traits.
I also completed a psychodynamic and values-oriented therapy that helped me navigate social relationships in a healthier fashion, but processing a lifelong history of emotional abuse was quite overwhelming to the point that threw up a lot during it. There were also cycles of intense anger, shame, and relief. Yet, this wasn’t comprehensive either. None of these specifically addressed autism-related matters, such as hypersensitivity, sensation-seeking, special topics, or acknowledging social vulnerabilities. I’m not upset with either of these therapies, but I also understand that they weren’t completely what I needed. Instead, I see them as necessary steps to remove all of the garbage I had picked up along the way so that I can rebuild from a healthy starting point.
How I see it, the autism therapy is helping me raise myself again from childhood, but this time, with a compassionate system that is considerate of my specific needs. It’s a lot of hard work, but unexpectedly enjoyable. It’s like the therapist is training me to be my own healthy parent. While it can be emotionally exhausting, it also comes with a lot of flexibility and hope. I really look forward to the sessions.
I hope this comment helps you in some way, and again, welcome to your club!
Thank you for the comments. I am fortunate to have gotten a therapist about a year ago. One who also specializes in nero divergence. Value therapy has been helpful. She pointed out that is I value compassion I need to aim that at myself occasionally. This diagnosis may help with that. The first thing the assessor told me was “there’s been things you may have done that are not your fault”
So I guess I need to figure that out. On top of a bunch of other stuff.
Baby steps though.