UNITED STATES OF AMERICA (The Borowitz Report)—Millions of Americans are terrified by the dawning realization that Rep. Mike Johnson is the adult in the room, millions of Americans have confirmed.
Across the country, residents of the United States were initially cheered by the possibility that an adult was in the room, but were immediately shattered by the discovery that said adult was Rep. Johnson.
Can confirm, I’m terrified that this might be the case, that he is the (white nationalist christofascist) adult in the room.
Who also proudly cross monitors his son’s internet history so they can police each other for porn.
And these people consider those who don’t to be deviants 🤣