I cannot keep my job. Firstly because I’m on FMLA (unpaid medical leave) for a mystery illness and I cannot guarantee that, even if finally diagnosed, I will be recovered by the 12 week maximum allotted.
Secondly because we’ve put our daughter in online school due to severe bullying. The program she’s in now is awful and I have to help her through her English lessons (she’s in 7th grade and they’re having her read 18th century texts). We’re switching her to a new program next semester which requires a parent to be a full-time “learning coach” for their kid to keep them on track.
It’s a terrible job. I absolutely hate it. The pay is low, the job is boring, my co-workers don’t really care about my existence, and my bosses are friendly but unreasonable. The only thing I like is that I have a hybrid schedule where I can work from home for 18 hours a week. But spending the other 22 hours in the office sucks. I spend the whole time wearing noise-cancelling headphones just to get through the time there. I’ve wanted to leave this job for a good year now although I admit I wasn’t trying very hard to find another one.
But I just can’t bring myself to resign. I don’t know why. Something is stopping me like it’s the wrong thing to do. I know I will be happier even though we will be on a single income, I am doing the right thing for my daughter, and I have no idea when this medical issue will be resolved.
I was going to write the resignation letter last Friday. Every day I mean to write it and every day I just can’t do it. I know I have to do it soon. Maybe even today. But something won’t let me do it. My brain is telling me I can’t quit.
Thanks for reading my rant. I don’t know why I wrote it. I guess I needed to let it out to someone other than my wife and my boss follows me on non-anonymous social media so I can’t really talk about it there.
EDIT: I wrote the email, showed it to my wife to see what she thought and sent it. Now all I have to do is sit back and wait for a reply, but I’m shaking.
I’ve read through the comments here, and I wanted to add.
You’ve said that you know what you’re going to say, that you have it written in your head. Between the lines there, it sounds like you might have a “give them a little piece of my mind” in the works. Something like “I’m not coming back, and here’s all the reasons why.”
That can definitely be a hard thing to put in writing and deliver. It would be reasonably expected to create conflict. Perhaps it would satisfy some personal need to explain yourself, or a sense of responsibility to give them information on how they might make things better for the people still there.
If those things are standing in your way (and I might be completely off base, forgive me if I am), remember that you don’t owe them anything. You’re not at all obliged to give any reason for your departure. “I am tendering my resignation, effective immediately” is all you need to say. If they want to have some kind of exit interview, then you can decide whether you want to do that or not - but once you’ve separated, they have no power to force you to do so.
Doing it that way separates the “resignation” part from the “explanation” part.
No, I absolutely do not want to give them a piece of my mind. I want to give them the reasons I’m not returning, but they don’t involve the job at all. As I said, it’s because of my illness and my daughter. I’ve never let on that I hate the job and I want to leave on good terms. I know what I’m going to write because I’ve gone over it in my head many times. But it’s not belligerent or accusatory. In fact, I’m planning on starting out bullshitting about “thank you for giving me the opportunity to work for you.”
But I do want to let them know why I’m leaving because it has nothing to do with them and they will likely appreciate an explanation.
If it were me - and I know you’re not me - I would still leave that as vague as possible, or leave it out entirely. “Due to personal concerns, I am tendering …” While it’s certainly possible (probable?) that certain individuals at the company would have some care and concern for your personal situation, the company does not care one bit. I stand pretty firm on the principle of keeping my personal life private and separate to the greatest extent possible.
You’ll sort it out, and then it’ll be behind you.
I can see where you’re coming from. I just would hate for my former boss to see me talk about this on social media where I’m not anonymous after I quit. And since she follows me, she would. I think it would sour things if I ever needed a recommendation from them or a future employee called them about me.
Keep your official resignation letter very short and direct. I personally recommend “The Nixon”, but the other suggestions here are also good.
For anything else, think about the best way to say it. If you think your boss actually cares about your reasons (which I doubt, because I have to assume you brought up those same concerns before), send them separately. Use a text, phone call, or whatever is appropriate for what you have to say.
Ahhhh there’s the thing. That falls into my whole “keep personal and work separate.” I don’t make anything social media known to work, specifically because of things like that.
I didn’t want her to. She sent me a request and I didn’t know what to do, so I said yes. I wouldn’t have done it had I thought harder about it.
Is it just a work relationship, or do you socialize together outside of work? If it’s the former, just remove/block her once you are no longer employed.
If it’s the latter, then your resignation letter isn’t the place for it anyway.
It’s the former, but I don’t know if blocking them is a good idea if I want them to say good things about me to a possible future employer.
If you work for a large employer in the US, they probably won’t say anything useful, regardless. Most large companies (in the US) have a strict policy on references where they can only say things that are 100% true and provable in court. In practice, this means dates of employment, and possibly eligibility for rehire.
There are 2 main reasons for this. The first is liability. The second is that there is simply no incentive for them to say anything more. Even if you were terrible, that’s the potential new employer’s problem. If you don’t live in the US, or you work at a smaller employer, adjust accordingly.
But regardless, cleaning up your contact list when leaving won’t be seen as an insult. It’s the same as cleaning out your desk. Depending on which social network, you can also probably unfriend instead of block, and she can unfollow. If you want to keep her a professional reference, that social media connection is the wrong place to maintain that anyway.