It’s been almost 8 months since I graduated Uni. No one wants to hire a student with no experience. Been living in my parents basement for all that time. Been working nearly every single day trying to better myself for a job to no avail. Been drowning in debt for nearly 10 years. Mom hasn’t been able to work due to health problems. Dad just diagnosed with the worst possible disease you can think about so he can’t work. It all falls to me to work. Family had to resort to a social assistance to pay the basics requirement for bills. Owe Sister and aunts money. All my friends have moved away or too busy to talk or do anything. Last meaningful relationship, which entails just talking and doing nothing more, was about 5 years ago. And no matter what I do, who I turn to for help, how much I kill myself trying to get a job, how much I try to better this situation, it all ends up with another rejection email, another message left on read, another email with no response, and more debt that I can never repay back.

Yeah, I get why villains want to destroy the world in movies. The world sucks, everyone sucks, there’s no good people in this world. Miracles don’t exist, dreams are just imaginary, everyone doesn’t care about you or what you’re going through.

And like everything else I’ve tried doing to help, this won’t get any attention. It seems like the universe forgot I existed or just made me to torment me. Because it just seems that I’m just a shadow in a dark place.

Forgotten and alone.

  • 🇰 🌀 🇱 🇦 🇳 🇦 🇰 ℹ️English
    10•1 year ago

    “Mad? Mad?! I’m not mad! Maybe a little angry…”

    I feel you though. It’s why Ænima is one of my top played songs on Spotify recently. I wanna flush it all away…

    • theJWPHTER88
      2•1 year ago

      Even I beforehand, before I took on my first day at college some months ago, realized how crapsack (for lack of a better term) the world actually is, especially for neurodivergent young adults like me, and how many others in my age range would rather go hikokomori and focus on doing their own creative thing rather than serve the uninspired and haughty. Some deal with unbridled anger, others with anguish, others with keeping a false positive façade, while others try to keep it neutral and normal under the hood…

      Maybe that’s why one of my recent favorite tracks nowadays comes from the OMORI OST, that being “It Means Everything”. Alongside Derivakat’s newest EP yet, they convey what it means to be both confused and so distraught with anger from all the hardships we face in our later teenage stage of life, including the ever-increasing “I-don’t-care-about-everything-anymore” attitude prevalent amongst teenagers and YAs, especially with troubled childhoods and broken friendships.