I’ve always been a fencesitter when it comes to having kids. I’m getting to a point where I think I’d like to have a kid. I don’t know if it’s because I really want one, or there’s just nothing major left on the list of life accomplishments and it’s a societal expectation.
The thing is, I can think of a million and one reasons not to have one and can’t put into words why I would want one. However, I’m starting to have a nagging feeling that I want to start trying. I just don’t know if that feeling is something I actually want, or just society telling me I should.
It doesn’t help that I don’t have a lot of small children I regularly interact with, so I honestly don’t have a clue what life would look like after kids, beyond it being a lot of stress and hard work. It also doesn’t help my spouse says it’s my choice and they’ll go along with whatever I want .
Any advice or things that helped you know it was the right choice/time for you to expand your family?
I didn’t want kids. Now I have two. We didn’t go for the third because we are getting too old for this (it is immensely taxing, physically and mentally) and well, we couldn’t afford it (childcare is a monster that will take everything from you). I’ve spent an hour tonight to deal with a tantrum. But then he tells me (during the night, when he wakes me up to hold his hand to walk him to the bathroom) “you’re the best daddy ever” (and I am certainly not!).
The most important thing is that you both know what is going to be for the first few years. Lots of being tired, very little free time, stress, possibly money worries, a LOT of literal shit to clean, trips to ER, no travel far away etc. Also, it could have career repercussions, especially for the mother (but also for the dad if he has/had to travel a lot for work).
I realize that I’m giving you a lot of reasons to NOT have kids, but look at it this way: after all the problems, I’m still happy that I did.