I’ve always been a fencesitter when it comes to having kids. I’m getting to a point where I think I’d like to have a kid. I don’t know if it’s because I really want one, or there’s just nothing major left on the list of life accomplishments and it’s a societal expectation.
The thing is, I can think of a million and one reasons not to have one and can’t put into words why I would want one. However, I’m starting to have a nagging feeling that I want to start trying. I just don’t know if that feeling is something I actually want, or just society telling me I should.
It doesn’t help that I don’t have a lot of small children I regularly interact with, so I honestly don’t have a clue what life would look like after kids, beyond it being a lot of stress and hard work. It also doesn’t help my spouse says it’s my choice and they’ll go along with whatever I want .
Any advice or things that helped you know it was the right choice/time for you to expand your family?
A vasectomy is definitely something we’re considering, but just in case the baby fever should ever hit us again, my girlfriend will be over 40 by then and that’s too old for comfort (I know plenty of women even older than that have healthy, happy babies, but still), and also we simply aren’t in a position to afford a second one :D
I know, my step-MIL had her last in her mid-40s. She had GD and he was born 13lbs and natural, and oh will she let you know about that. Which is especially embarrassing now that he’s old enough to take to the bar.
Point is they aren’t always entirely planned. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you about the specifics.
Two months of actively trying is pretty good. We were at 1 of honestly trying, only because her Aunt showed up on our honeymoon. But we were certainly more cautious (“don’t be a dummy…”) between “stopping the pill” and “trying not to be pregnant in a wedding dress” and “trying to actually start the family”
Yeah, was almost a bit too fast for our liking, didn’t really leave us time to get used to the idea. My gfs gynecologist was really surprised when she showed up pregnant, said she had expected her in a year or so :D Nice early reminder that kids don’t care for your plans.
Second took us almost a year.
We just got over a bout of baby fever. Followed immediately by what looked like a really faint positive. Followed by “wtf were we thinking we can’t handle a third”.
Fortunately no other test gave us that scare.
I’m sure the fever will return though. We’ve got a 1 year old nephew, one of her friends just had their fourth and one of our best friends is expecting her third. My wife has seven (step|half|full) siblings in their 20s and 30s. Nearly half of them have no kids, and almost all of the rest are single guys in their “spread your wild oats” years. It’s unavoidable.