Yeah this hurt. When I became homeless I ended up vanishing from everything. Had no Internet access or anything. Was just gone. Always checked in with people. Was there when needed and then I can’t contact anyone for a month. I was worried about my friends and worried they were worried about me and that I couldn’t tell them what was going on.
When I finally got access to the Internet to message people I realized no one had even noticed. No one messaged me asking where I was. No one checked in. No one did anything. I sent a couple people a message like “Hey hows it going?” and they’d respond with the usual. Really didn’t notice I was gone.
I ended up logging back out of all of it. Didn’t login again until a year later when I was in a homeless shelter trying to figure things out.
One person messaged me.
They were asking if I could share Netflix with them.
I deleted my accounts. Have a hard time trusting people and making friends noe not like childhood abuse from my mother made it easy. How do you believe people care when your parents don’t and when the people you loved didnt?
Happy Holidays. I’m spending mine in bed.
My antidepressant made me want to do serious harm to people and myself out of rejection.
That is why Im starting to realize filling the void is non-negotiable. Your body can have a passive drooling coping method, or you can be naturally or artificially flipped to become a raging maniac or vice versa.
Actually having even the chance of getting rid of it goes heavily into neuroplasticity territory. You need the artificial methods like MDMA therapy to ever have a chance of untangling immutable childhood wiring.