Maybe this is the wrong place to ask questions about how to be a good parent for adult kids, as I see a lot of questions here are regarding young kids, but I figured I’d ask here.
Long story short, I just got out of prison last year. I was in my son’s life for his first 5 years, then I fucked up and got sent away. His mom went no contact with me then. A few years before I got out, I got a letter from my now-adult kid wanting to reconnect.
I am out now, but I just have no idea what I’m doing where he is concerned. He wants a father in his life, but I don’t know how to be that person for him. It has been difficult to transition back to the ‘real world’ and I don’t want to fuck up what little relationship we have.
He says he just wants to hang out, but like I don’t even know what to say to him or talk about with him. Most of the time he does all the talking and I just listen but I’m worried that’s not enough and that I should contribute to the conversation more, but I don’t know what to say.
I never had a father figure in my life growing up, so I don’t really have anyone in real life to ask (plus it’s embarassing and I prefer the anonymity of the internet).
I have no intention of trying to ‘parent’ him, and I know I’m not role-model material, but he wants to hang out and I feel like every time it’s very awkward and weird (we hung out 3-4 times since I got out). Should I just treat him like I would anyone I hang out with (friends, brother/sister), or do you think he is expecting something else, and what even would that be?
I imagine that this will be more difficult for you than for most, considering your past, and it’d be pretty difficult for most people anyways.
You missed a lot of your life being locked up. You CANT be a dad, cause you don’t have the past that would teach you how to be a dad.
You need to talk to him, find out what he wants, and you need to let him know what you are actually capable of.
Honestly, a cousin you haven’t seen since you were kids. It’s gonna be awkward, but if you ever want it to be not awkward, You’re gonna have to keep going. There is no magic bullet.