jordan @jordan stratton

In order to get a true representation of each country’s athletic skill, the Olympics should randomly select citizens to compete like it’s jury duty:

Who’s next on the balance beam for the US? Is it Simone Biles? Nope it’s 39yo electrician, Dale. Wow he does not look confident

  • FinishingDutch
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    2 years ago

    “Next up on the javelin throw is Ivan Ivanovich. Weighing in at 450 pounds of pure muscle and built like two refrigerators side by side. Let’s see if he can beat his previous personal best of 2,5 miles…”

    • ryathal@sh.itjust.works
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      2 years ago

      Javelin is actually a bad example for this, because javelins were redesigned about 40 years ago to not fly as far.

      • Anticorp
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        2 years ago

        How is that fair for anyone trying to beat a previous world record? Or have they already all been beaten with the new javelins?

      • atomicorange
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        2 years ago

        Ultimate Olympics would be a bring-your-own souped-up javelin kind of event.

      • TexasDrunk
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        2 years ago

        Not a problem for Ivanovich. He flexes his steroids at atmospheric friction and the Earth’s gravitational pull and lets it fly. All he’s gotta do then is beat out the gravitational pull from his delts.

      • datelmd5sum
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        2 years ago

        And would the untested javelin thrower really be massively better than a tested one? In powerlifting the difference between tested and untested athletes is around 10%. How much further do you throw the javelin if you squat 300kg instead of 270kg?