Dating is odd to me. I do not really know what my motivations are. If I actually find someone. What then? What will we do? How different will our relationship be from a regular friendship (besides you know what). And should it be?

Should you be wanting to do other things with your SO then a very good friend?

What I’m getting at is, have you ever thought to someone: “They don’t really want a relationship they just want a one particular friend with benefits.”

I don’t know if I’m rambling over here. But I’m really having difficulty digesting this one.

Edit: The reason I ask is because I’m thinking to start dating again but I don’t know my end goal.

    • @trowaway4433OP
      9•11 months ago

      Well, I guess it feels more like, all I have to offer is friendship with intimacy. But not that I don’t want to. What I mean to say is: Is not being (or not knowing how to be) a romantic type the same a someone who is aromantic?

      • @[email protected]
        8•11 months ago

        You might be aromantic, or it might just be that you haven’t met a person or had the time with a person to develop romantic feelings.

      • DessertStorms
        5•11 months ago

        I don’t think I can answer that for you unfortunately, it’s something for you to investigate with yourself, and at some point possibly with a potential partner too. There are also aro/ace communities around (sadly the ones on the fediverse seem pretty dead) where you can talk your feelings through with people who are going through a similar experience.

        Either way, having friendship and intimacy to offer is a lot, and enough, don’t let any social constructs make you feel otherwise.

        At the end of the day “relationship” is a pretty wide concept and it includes friendships as well as sexual and other partnerships, and no two are alike (despite what we’ve generally been socialised to believe - either completely platonic or the hetero-romantic boy meets girl, they date, fall in love, move in together, get married, have kids). What’s important is that you find relationships that work for you (and the other person/people involved of course), and the only way to make sure of that is to communicate as openly and honestly as you can with yourself and each other (so for example what you define as a “friendship with intimacy” might qualify as a romantic relationship to some but not to others).

        Also - aromanticism, like other orientations, is a spectrum, so you might be greyromantic or demiromantic, which probably only confuses things more (I know it did for me, and so I’ve never really taken the time to figure out exactly where I fit on the aro/ace spectrums beyond knowing I’m on them), but just know that there are options for you to “try on” and see which fits most comfortably (if any!).