Edit: Last night she attempted suicide. I was in the living room while she was showering. She got out of the shower, went to the bedroom, and about 10 minutes later I heard her call my name. She was holding a large handful of her medicine in one hand, and the bottle in the other. She told me she almost took it, but decided to get help instead. Suffice to say, both of us are dealing with a lot right now. She asked me not to tell anyone, but I am trying to persuade her to get mental healthcare.
So yesterday morning, while my girlfriend and I were sleeping in our new apartment, we heard some rustling at the door. This was around 8 AM or so. I heard him call out “maintenance” very faintly from the other side of the door.
I was partially awake and called out to the guy after glancing my gf’s way in a “is this guy for real?” look.
Guy apologized and left the apartment after he heard me. At the time, she said she was “glad I was there”.
I spoke to him later and he apologized profusely and said he wasn’t aware someone had moved in already. I figured that would be the end of it. No harm, no foul.
Last night, my girlfriend informed me that I didn’t handle that correctly. She said her dad would’ve been up and ready to fight the guy, and that by glancing her way I must’ve been asking her to protect me.
Despite us discussing a proposal now that we’re 2 years in, she let me know she doesn’t think I should “this year, but that she may change her mind”.
I’m honestly baffled. Was I supposed to shoot the maintenance man or something?
It has me reconsidering the relationship. One perceived mistake–that I honestly think I handled fine–and she’s putting our plans on ice.
She’s been mean leading up to this. She blames her cycle (and apologizes each time), but it’s a pretty extreme mood shift for a few days each month. So part of me wonders if these 2 things are related, and she’ll regret saying that to me. Another part wonders if I should forgive her in the first place.
What do y’all think? How big of a mess am I in?
Cut your losses and find someone who doesn’t do that.
Yeah, I am starting to wonder if that’s the right call. We’ve had a great relationship for the most part, but while I forgive and move on from her minor mistakes–with the understanding that people fuck up sometimes and a sincere apology and effort to fix it going forward is sufficient–she’s far less inclined to do that.
It has gradually resulted in an imbalanced relationship, where she does stuff like this and I don’t. I’ve supported her through some tough stuff, yah know? And I feel like all that sacrifice got discarded because of a 10 second run in with some HVAC guy.
Props to the people saying things about not understanding the complexity here, but I will say you’ve given quite a few examples of her general demeanor and attitude towards things.
Growing up in a tough environment, being in fight mode, etc.
It sounds like you’re sort of tanking losses on that you’re supporting her but she’s not responding in kind.
The thing you have to ask yourself m is the following: Is this a one-off? Is this going through a rough patch? OR is this a trend?
If it’s a trend, your answer is pretty clear.
Wish you the best, with or without her.
It’s a sneak peek of worse behavior down the line. It’s your choice whether you want to indulge in your own personal hell later on.
I don’t think this is the best solution. Sure, maybe down the road OP may need to cut their losses and break up with their SO, but I think trying to resolve the problem is a better route. From there, OP will see if this is an issue that can be resolved, whether OP wants to attempt to resolve it, or whether that wouldn’t be the case.
Better to not waste invested time and emotion on someone that will eventually render it all pointless. I have enough experience in relationships to speak on this with confidence.