So about 2 years ago, I moved away. Broken spirit broken person, over 3000 miles. However, yesterday I landed for my first visit back here. And I just feel weird. Like I’m not supposed to be here or something, it’s very ominous. I constantly feel anxious.
The weirdest thing was seeing how my parents have started to age. And the woods where I used to hang out are all housing developments now. I’m currently sleeping on a mattress in my old room, aka the office now, surrounded by random shelving and printers and stuff. it’s really a weird feeling in here too.
I don’t know what I expected but I definitely don’t feel like I’m “home”. It’s like some weird alternate dimension version of home. There’s still some people I’m yet to see and I wonder how that’s gonna go. So far everything already feels uncomfortably different. Alongside that, the rose tint has also come off and I have a lot of bad memories going through my head too instead of any sort of nostalgia. Almost like the different person I was back then is still lurking here somewhere watching me.
Anyone familiar with such a feeling, after being away for so long?
My hometown has been amalgamated into the nearby city, and my old neighbourhood is totally unrecognizable. If not for the street names, I would’ve just driven by without even a glimmer of recognition.
Speaking to other people from around here, I realise my hometown was always kind of shitty. Close to the highway and industry and not really meant for families, but in my memories it’s all so bright and beautiful, and full of kids.
Anyway, that’s all to say that we add our own rose tint to the past no matter what. It sounds like you grew up in a pretty ok spot, with some real greenspace. Maybe that’s some comfort? That you actually have something real and good to feel nostalgic over?
Yep. Grew up around a lot of rural emptiness. luckily there is a reserve not too far away so there will always be some of that feeling, which I’m thankful for. Sorry to hear about your home town situation.
Thanks but it probably made it easier. I just don’t think of it as home anymore.
I have more nostalgia for my first couple of places after moving away from home. It kinda just keep rolling forward like that. Now I’ve got old homes all over the country