Long story short: we have been meeting each other for a while for semi-professional reasons, around two years now, although we only got close in the recent months. We have a very strong group of friends thanks to which we interacted a lot recently.
A job-related difficult situation arose recently and we have been extremely supportive to each other. We talk for hours at night about what’s troubling us, we worry whenever one or the other is not in a good mood to extensive lengths. If she wakes up before me she always says good morning and ask me how’s things.
I always thought of her as “way out of my league”, and for this reason didn’t even approach the concept of a relationship until recently: she is very fit while I am on the softer side, and I don’t know what to think: she is extremely smart, intelligent, and would never reduce me down to my weight, but I do believe that looks play a part in all of this and honestly I believe myself as quite ugly. All of this didn’t deter me from getting extremely infatuated with her, up to the point where she’s all I can think about.
We’ll have some time next week to be just by ourselves; she hates to trouble others, but she agreed without much fuss to let me accompany her at an important meeting, adding she’d be delighted to have me there.
On one side we have this wonderful friendship, and I’d genuinely hate for it to crumble. We so often joke together and talk about important things and I worry, what if my feelings are exaggerated and they end up ruining everything? Should I just make them quiet down? Of course I am basing all of this on the concept of a sure rejection, but the chance for them not liking me in “that” way is so strong in my head that I am also quite paralyzed.
But then again, a few days ago she re-posted a messenger screenshot in which I appear with a colored heart next to my name, and my brain obviously yeehaw’ed right into over-analysis: wow! a heart!! But… is it colored because it is secondary, less important to the red one and thus indicating a strictly friendly relationship? Or maybe it’s a special color (it does have some meaning for us two, would rather not explain as that’d be too sensible of an information) and thus acquiring the opposite meaning? I guess I would have understood better if other close friends of her appeared in the screenshots, as to gauge whether or not they also had a heart next to their name, but that didn’t happen so I’m left with doubt.
Sorry for the rambly mess. Any suggestions and words about how to deal with this are more than welcome.
I wrote a long comment that got lost. Uh…
TLDR If the feeling is mutual it’s about not fumbling the ball more than racing to the finish line. Work on yourself if you aren’t proud of who you are. Strengthen friendships, especially mutual ones. Treasure the feeling and be kind to both of you.
I’m sorry about the lost comment :( I definitely agree with you. Time is needed, both to understand if my feelings are actually true or if it’s more about a temporary enfatuation. I feel very lucky to have both her and our other friends, so I think this’ll go smooth regardless. And truly, being kind to everyone’s feelings, me included, is what I need to look upon. Thank you so much!
Ah yeah I can’t remember everything I wrote. I was a long the lines of what some people are saying, “take it slow”. IMO don’t bury your feelings or fully expose them.
It’s a little paradoxical sometimes. The more important your time is with someone, the slower you go. Because that means you consider it precious. If you just go for it in a way it means you are prepared to lose them. Of course you can wait too long, but as long as day to day is happy and nothing is between you, I hope you can progress in a natural way.
Perhaps you can be honest about your feeling without being forceful. Just show genuine happiness, prioritize time, and your friends can catch on. Then if there is an issue someone can tell you discreetly. And if you let it out slowly you have time as you say, to understand the feelings. And maybe she is also unsure, who knows?
I wish you good luck. I hope you dodge any ugliness and no matter what happens you can look back in years and smile about it.