The officer brings Joe into the room and says “I’m afraid his face was heavily damaged in the attack. We’ve done our best using dental records, but we need you to help confirm his identity.”

Joe takes a slow walk around the body and flips it over, spreading his butt cheeks a little. After giving it a look, he sighs and turns to the officer. “No, it’s not him.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, Jim had two arseholes.”

The officer blinks. He didn’t expect to hear that, and is more than happy to have a second opinion ready. With that, he brings Frank into the room.

“Frank, do you think you could tell us if this is Jim or not?” says the officer.

Frank heads straight for Jim’s buttcheeks, giving them a little spread before sighing, just as Joe did. “No, it’s not him.”

“You’re certain?”

“Yeah, Jim had two arseholes.”

The officer furrows his brow. “Two arseholes. I’ve never heard of something like that before. You’ve actually seen them?”

“Well, no, we haven’t seen them. But every time we three went out, people would shout ‘Hey, it’s Jim with the two arseholes!’”