This has changed over the last 15 years.

For the longest time I was sure it going to be by my own hand. I had looked at different methods of suicide. I had very bad depression and I thought about it a lot. I eventually started treatment and while it was still a struggle and in no way cured my depression, it helped me make changes in my life that took me out of the situations that exacerbated the depression. I also started treatment for my ADHD.

Now, I’m not so sure. I still have the occasional bout of hopelessness, crying, and ideation. But it’s rare now. My girlfriend and her daughter are moving in soon and I’m starting to be optimistic about the future.

Now it’s probably my health, a car accident, or I blow myself up somehow.

I don’t exercise and I work from home. So I’m overweight and don’t move as much as I should.

I like to drive and let’s be honest, it’s a dangerous method of travel.

I work with explosives. We make it as safe as it can be and it’s unlikely something will happen, but it’s an inherent risk of the profession.