I have this friend, N, that has recently started believing things very out of the ordinary. He said that he’s been getting into paganism and studying runes and candles. I told him that was very interesting, it sounded like a fun time and a good hobby to have. N let me know that it wasn’t just a hobby, but that it had a function and purpose, a sort of witchcraft.

I come from an academic background; it doesn’t seem healthy to me to actually believe and try to practice witchcraft, not because it might be real, but because of the mental health associations with it. So I told my concerns to N but he brushed them off, saying that people have the right to believe in what they want. I respect that, but I do not want N to fall into delusion. I let him know, as respectful as I could, that believing in witchcraft does not make it real and that it wasn’t healthy to believe otherwise. He got really bothered when I told him he should talk to his therapist about this stuff. N has a history of mental health issues and was in a deeply abusive relationship for a few years which cause him a lot of grief. I was accused of being rude and trying to impose my beliefs. His last message to me was him asking me to stop and that anyone has a right to believe what they want.

I cherish N a lot as a friend, I do not wish them any harm. I respect that anyone has a right to believe what they want, but I really don’t think this is healthy for my friend. Is there any way I can help him? Is the best way forward to just stop and let him be?

  • ValhaithamOP
    5•1 year ago

    You are correct, although the tone of your reply doesn’t sound very friendly but more condescending. That was his last reply to me because I didn’t reply after, instead I sought advice here. No boundaries were crossed. I apologised and let him know I would be there if he wanted to share with me, we’re on good terms.

    • Unaware7013
      3•1 year ago

      I don’t think it’s meant to be condescending, just something to keep in mind when it comes to discussing belief systems. It’s good that you respected your friends boundaries, but it’s not an out of place assumption to think you may have without additional information, given how people who look down on non-standard belief systems tend to act, especially those that would try to invalidate what they believe in.

      I’m somewhat curious if your academic stance against witchcraft and the negative mental effects extends out to ‘normal’ beliefs. If not, what is it specifically about witchcraft that makes you feel that it will have negative effects on their mental health? It sounds like you may just not be knowledgeable about it, so it may help you (and your friendship) to take an open and academic view and educate yourself on the stuff your friend believes. At worst, you’ll gain knowledge on another belief system and have a deeper understanding of something that was foreign to you.

      In the end, much like the other posters have said, let them believe what they want so long as they’re not hurting themselves* or others. Believing in the make believe is something we all do to one extent or another, and I feel that my gods are no better or real than any others’ - it’s all just a crutch we use to get through the day.

      *I have a much looser definition of hurting yourself than others would, and don’t consider much short of permanent lasting effects as hurting ones self

      • ValhaithamOP
        2•1 year ago

        It sounds like you may just not be knowledgeable about it, so it may help you (and your friendship) to take an open and academic view and educate yourself on the stuff your friend believes.

        Absolutely! I know very little about it and expressed interesting in being educated on the topic. I have no problem with witchcraft in itself. I would not be against participating but I told him that it would be, of course, for leisure and entertainment. My issue was him taking this into delusion, which is why I told him it to talk to his therapist about this interest. This is where his biggest issue with my statements came from. He’s been through a lot. He’s currently transitioning from F to M and it’s been putting him through a lot of stress right now too, so I don’t want to him to bear more from what circumstance it may bring from the prejudice around this. Sadly enough, I think that’s what I did with my initial reaction so I made a big mistake in handling this situation.

        • Unaware7013
          2•1 year ago

          I have no problem with witchcraft in itself. I would not be against participating but I told him that it would be, of course, for leisure and entertainment. My issue was him taking this into delusion, which is why I told him it to talk to his therapist about this interest.

          I can see why he was offended when you phrase it like that, that seems like you’re trying to belittle their beliefs. Imagine you were finding something that really spoke to you and helped you through a dark part of your life, and a friend said it was a delusion and would only participate as an amusement.

          I don’t want to him to bear more from what circumstance it may bring from the prejudice around this. Sadly enough, I think that’s what I did with my initial reaction so I made a big mistake in handling this situation.

          You absolutely did, but at least you’re emotionally mature enough to see it.

          Regardless of how you feel about it, id apologize to them and see if you can try to redo that conversation and at least try to pretend about caring about doing it, or at least let them know that you’ll do it without any of the intellectual judgement you showed before. Might go a long way to showing your friend that you really care about them, and will go a long way to try to help them overcome the inevitable pushback they get from less open minded individuals.