Arranging dishes in the dishwasher neatly is only for when there are a lot of dishes that wouldn’t fit otherwise. If there are only a couple of dishes, then it’s whatever, as long as they get clean, it doesn’t matter.

I would encourage you to be more considerate: your daughter is an adult, with her own thoughts and feelings, and her own family. If I were her, I would certainly not appreciate if one of my parent tried to shame me in front of strangers on the Internet over how I load my dishes and threatening to disown me for it, even “as a joke”.