I went to the neurologist this morning and after all of his tests, he said he couldn’t find anything neurological that could be wrong with me. He thought it might be behavioral, but that wouldn’t explain the morning heaving. He sent all of my records back to the gastro doctor and we’ll see what they say when they get back to us. So I’m kind of feeling a bit deflated.

Meanwhile, my mother is driving me insane to the point that I had a minor breakdown in the car while she was yelling at me. I had to repeat over and over that she needed to be quiet and she kept saying things like, “you have so many rules!” Finally, I said, '“these are the code words. If you hear me say the exact sentence, ‘you are making me anxious’ she had to be quiet and count to 30 in her head.” She agreed. Angrily. She doesn’t find that reasonable.

She’s also quite hard of hearing despite having hearing aids, so I’m having my wife sit in during these evaluations via Facetime so I can tell my mother “the doctor didn’t say that” and have someone else agree. It still hasn’t worked 100% of the time, but it has worked.

Also, every single time there is a possible diagnosis or she reads something that she thinks sounds like my symptoms (and she’s always wrong about that), she decides that’s definitely what I have and she definitely knows what should be done about it.

This time it’s worse, because she was a psychotherapist and she actually knows a little about behavioral therapy. But I feel really bad for her clients, because they had a totally crazy lady for a therapist. And she kept some of them on for like a decade after she officially retired. They came to her house. So they actually liked whatever she did for them. All I can think is that she has a completely different personality as a therapist.

Oh, she also thinks that the dry heaving every morning is inconsequential and I should just accept that I’m going to have to live with it the rest of my life. What. The. Fuck?

I guess it’s been so long since I’ve spent more than a few hours with her that I forgot how truly nuts she is. And a bit on the narcissistic side.

Edit: Ugh. This fucking guy again.

  • @betheydocrimeEnglish
    2•1 month ago

    Hi! I just read this, and man that is such a frustrating situation to be in. I dealt with severe food aversion when I was in high school, and ended up getting a diagnosis of gastroparesis. Similar to you, there was a day where I just suddenly got “better”, although I never recovered to the point of having a normal appetite for a person my size. I never reached the point where the smell of food triggered a gag reflex, but I’m definitely familiar with how personally we take our relationships with food and how that must be affecting you and your family. I’ve been in situations where I desperately wanted to eat something in order to make someone’s effort feel appreciated, but haven’t been able to because of my body. When I read about you not being able to get a meatball sub for your daughter, it brought up feelings I hadn’t thought about in over a decade.

    Do you know of any mutual aid groups that could help you with transportation or lodging or financial aid in Rochester, if you ever have to go back? It may be worth looking for other ways to access care

    • Flying SquidOPEnglish
      2•1 month ago

      Thanks. I do know they have financial aid and such. My mom is wealthy and offered to pay for it, which I really couldn’t turn down despite her insanity. I wouldn’t mind staying in a Motel 6 or whatever, but I can’t complain about being in a much more comfortable AirBnB. She’s also offering to help cover the massive medical debt I’m already in and that will only get larger, so I can’t act like I’m in any way ungrateful since I really appreciate the help.

      However, I also did not expect it to be this bad. And I really didn’t realize how bad her memory and hearing are. She’s 82, so I should have just expected that, but when it’s your own mother, you don’t really think of her as this old lady who doesn’t have all of her faculties. Not unless it’s really obvious.

      Anyway I will not do that next time, if there one, so I will definitely be looking at other options. If I’m unlucky and I do have to come back, it might be the summer, in which case my wife and daughter can come along.

      Thanks again.

      • @betheydocrimeEnglish
        3•1 month ago

        No problem! My mutual aid budget is reserved for helping a trans friend move out of Tennessee right now, but please let me know if you have an emergency expense come up and I might be able to help