Usually when someone is venting at me, I feel like I should respond somehow and say something, but I have no idea what that something could/should be. Is it better to just listen or try to comfort them in some way?

  • @pinwurm
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    41 year ago

    You should react, at least lol. But you need to consider that most folks aren’t looking for advice. Rather, they need a validation of their experience.

    Better to say “Wow, that really sucks” or “That’s crazy!”.

    Maybe ask a followup question the to show that you’re listening, “well, what happened after?” or “what are going to do next?” End with “Thanks for sharing that with me, I know it’s not easy”.

    Do not say, “you should try X or Y” unless they explicitly ask.

    It’s a weird concept for me, cause when my wife vents - I hear a problem and I want to offer solutions. But I gotta fight that instinct.

    • @mtnwolf
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      1 year ago

      deleted by creator

      • @pinwurm
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        21 year ago

        Yeah.

        Helping when someone has a problem is a predisposition among all people. How we help - whether it’s active listening or task assistance is the question. Whether those tendencies are genetics or learned behavior is anyone’s guess. All I know is that it’s observable behavior. Enough to make a few silly standup comedy bits over.

        Learning to not fix every problem is one of the most counterintuitive things a dude can do to better their relationships. 🤷