I am beginning the process of divorce. There was no history of anything bad, just general lack of compatibility. We’ve been together 13 years, and at least the past 3-4 we’ve been shells of who we were.
Though we both care deeply, we both know we want to be loved differently.
Right now I’m still going between the depression/despair and some irrational nostalgic notion that maybe things could be the way I thought they were (in my mind I know that these are rose tinted memories)
How do former couples get along usually? I’m a child of divorce, where my Mom moved two states away and I went with her. My parents were cordial, I think.
My ex thinks that we should remain friends, but I think that will make the grieving process harder for me. I wonder if this desire to remain friends is a way for her to not fully have to let go. But if you want the milk, you buy the cow.
Should I be wary, or should I be grateful here? How do I protect myself from catching feelings some days and dragging my healing for to long
I’ll be blunt, you have kids. Do what is best for the kids. That probably means having a friendly cordial and cooperative relationship with your co-parent. If that makes you feel bad, or takes longer for you to recover from the divorce, so be it. Kids come first. If you have to pretend to be happy for the kids sake, that’s what you should do
I have to agree here. The question is valid but your priorities should be clear. I tend to ask each time: am I doing this for the kids? If yes, I do it and swallow my pride. If no, it’s her wanting to have her cake and eat it - and that time has long passed.
Thanks for your perspective.
I didn’t mean I want to have a bad exchange, but I think more business like and transactional.
Do you believe a cold business like and transactional relationship with your co-parent will be better for your kids?
That’s a really great question