I am beginning the process of divorce. There was no history of anything bad, just general lack of compatibility. We’ve been together 13 years, and at least the past 3-4 we’ve been shells of who we were.

Though we both care deeply, we both know we want to be loved differently.

Right now I’m still going between the depression/despair and some irrational nostalgic notion that maybe things could be the way I thought they were (in my mind I know that these are rose tinted memories)

How do former couples get along usually? I’m a child of divorce, where my Mom moved two states away and I went with her. My parents were cordial, I think.

My ex thinks that we should remain friends, but I think that will make the grieving process harder for me. I wonder if this desire to remain friends is a way for her to not fully have to let go. But if you want the milk, you buy the cow.

Should I be wary, or should I be grateful here? How do I protect myself from catching feelings some days and dragging my healing for to long

  • @CodeGameEatEnglish
    7•8 months ago

    So I am a son of divorced parents that are now good friends. I do think they are models in term of how they managed their divorce, so i’ll share how it went from my point of view.

    At first, they were not seeing each others as friends would. Not saying that they did not consider the other as a friend, but I think, like you said, it was beneficial for both to allow them to move on. They would still have discussions regularly about us, the kids. Whatever they did we were always the first concern and they always tried to be a team even if they were not “together”. I think that was the most important thing, for any important decision concerning us they would discuss together before and make sure they agreed on it.

    After a while, they both entered new relationships and we started doing activities everyone together once in a while. Now my " 4 parents" are good friends, we went to trips together, we have dinners together…

    I think taking a “pause” just after getting out of the relationship is a good idea, but not a hard pause, the children always come first and you need to still be able to work together for them.