Please Buy Tesla’s Cybertruck, Which Is Cool, Not Stupid
www.mcsweeneys.net
You gotta get this Tesla Cybertruck, bro. It’s great. Am I a paid spokesperson? Sort of. I’m a person who paid $8 a month to “spokes” for them. Thi...

You ever been driving down the road when a crazed band of gangbangers rolled through your suburban neighborhood and blasted up the side of your truck with Uzis and Gatling guns for no reason? No, but you could easily imagine a scenario where that happens, right? Well, if your imagination became a reality, you’d need the only truck on the market that keeps pointing out it’s bulletproof for some reason.

Does your neighborhood have a billionaire who throws rocks at your truck window? No? Good, Cybertruck can’t handle that.

What if an anvil falls from the sky, or what if you drive into what seems to be a tunnel but turns out to be a realistic painting on the side of a mountain? It happens, dude—I’ve seen it on TV. Cybertruck could withstand that kind of stuff, but like, even more, Cybertruck is the only truck that will keep self-driving itself into the side of the mountain until it makes a real tunnel. In fact, Cybertruck could make a tunnel for a hyperloop from LA to San Francisco.

Edit: In case it isn’t clear, this is satire.

  • @breadsmasherEnglish
    48•2 months ago

    You keep bringing up safety concerns. Has your current truck ever trapped you inside after catching on fire? So why would you keep asking that about a Tesla truck?

    Absolutely horrifying

    • @Chocrates
      24•2 months ago

      My friend is a Tesla fanboy and when that women crashed and drowned he wouldn’t hear anything bad about Tesla. For sure she was drunk, but my analog handles never stop working in a rainstorm.

      • @supercriticalcheese
        5•2 months ago

        You would think that a door mechanism that can be overidden from the inside would be a minimum requirement on a car. But on a Tesla it’s not.

        Anyone understands why they insist on doing this? Is it to save money on the override mechanism?

        • @Chocrates
          6•2 months ago

          Fanboys are gonna point out that it CAN be overriden inside, but to my knowledge it is behind a panel you have to pry off. I don’t know why it is gone, it could be Musk thought it was cool, but Tesla takes a lot of analogue inputs and makes them digital to save money, so that would be my guess.

            • @Chocrates
              2•2 months ago

              Didn’t know that was a thing but yeah. That is less of a safety issue than missing door handles or the removed turn signal stalk.

              • @supercriticalcheese
                1•2 months ago

                I would say that a missing door handle in an emergency is also an issue if you need to exit the vehicle suddenly and car electronics are gone…