I have gas from eating lots of bread, which is not unusual, but for some reason today’s farts hurt my ass.

They’re not those super hot farts, they’re just really… pressurized? They come out loud and proud and it feels kinda violent. Any ideas?

  • @morphballganon
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    4210 months ago
    1. Take a long hot shower and wash the area well

    2. Try to cut down on dairy for the near future

    3. Lie down in the sexy open-shirt Jeff Goldblum from Jurassic Park pose when a fart is approaching