(when seated in a group with others, i should clarify. if i’m by myself i’m absolutely happy to be on my phone or book)
i genuinely have an issue. it’s like…there’s people on all sides. i need to rest my eyes somewhere, esp in a social setting which is already inherently a bit wearing
- if you look down at your food, you look sad or disinterested or whatever
- if you look at the ceiling that’s insane, isn’t it?
so that’s down and up out. let’s look at:
- the sides, which have people there or nearly there, or obscuring the view of a nice window or painting, and you can’t stare at people.
fuck fuck fuck. what about:
- the center. oh no. this is the nightmare zone. let’s break it down into 3 sections: the top contains their face, that’s quite insane to look at. downwards, the table across from you with their food, that could seem like you’re looking at their body very intently, can’t do that. the middle? if it’s a woman, then that’s very much bad form. but if you’re a guy generally attracted to women, part of your brain wants to look no matter what, at least a little. and since when you’re sitting, forward is the most natural direction to look (you can’t really turn around or move, particularly), so you keep coming back to it and AHH FUCK
fucking nightmare.
No, this isn’t a typical thing people think about. Which is why it’s associated with autism, (social) anxiety, and/or ADHD. Now, it doesn’t mean you definitely have any of those, but it’s something to consider as part of a larger picture.
I suggest you pursue medical/therapeutic support if you find that this anxiety is negatively affecting how you live your life :)
I have ADHD and autism traits and I definitely have similar thoughts to op when I have to deal with unfamiliar situations. Like even a Drs appointment I have to mentally plan a conversation in my head about how they respond otherwise I’ll forget to mention things.