Spoiler alert: being gay will still not be a sin, but they’ll still judge you for doing “gay things.” You’ll be perfectly fine with Jesus as long as you deny yourself the love and affection that brings intimacy and meaning to so many people’s lives, because “virgins” in robes simply know more about love, affection, and the desires of a superbeing (that made his wishes apparent through a few dozen pamphlets written before we knew what germs were) than anyone else.