As in able to enjoy pain in a general way? Have always been like that, I think. Even when it’s awful and doesn’t feel good it’s sort of psychedelic?

Sexually? I do like some, didn’t get to try that in real life until my 40s so that is when I figured out how much was a turn on for me and at what point it becomes a turnoff - I think sexually I may not be masochistic exactly, it’s more that seeing a guy get off on hurting me like that is crazy hot, and the care they take to make sure you are hurt but not harmed? So I think it’s more to do with general sexual submissiveness, I get off on doing it because it pleases them, if it was just for me I don’t usually feel it in a sexual way, though thinking about it I will often use some light pain when doing myself so maybe that’s not exactly right either. It’s never a lot though just enough to focus me so I can stop thinking?

In short, I guess I always suspected I could enjoy pain sexually, fantasized about it from very young but didn’t know it actually worked until I was older. There’s such a big difference between thinking about it and doing it so I couldn’t be sure until doing it, understand?

I’m still alive aren’t I?

Are we talking physical or psychological masochism?

Rough anal sex.

Thats what made me realize that there is a thin line between pleasure and pain for me. Thats what started an interest in impactplay.

I’m not really a masochist but I’ve always known I liked being tied up 🥰