AITA for telling my sister her ring was sketchy?
This happened a while ago and is potentially an ongoing issue, so I figured I could kick us off.
This is between me (31F) and my sister (36F).
I’m studying to become a gemologist. I’ve completed about 90% of the coursework and have a ton of new knowledge and even a decent amount of practical experience. I don’t make myself out to be an expert, but I definitely know a lot more than the average person and maybe even some jewelers.
So my sister and I were talking on Zoom and I mentioned something cool I saw recently. She said “Oh! I have this ring and it’s a star opal, what does that sound like to you?” Completely automatic, unfiltered, I replied with “Sketchy.” She got a little annoyed and told me she would get it so she could show me (through Zoom.) Thing is, star opal isn’t… real. Not in the same way that you see star sapphires. They don’t have the crystal structure or formation conditions for it. So she shows me via zoom and I say “That’s really pretty, but I really don’t think that’s opal since they don’t form that way, maybe it’s something else.” She got defensive and said that her friend got it for her in Thailand (not confidence-inspiring tbh) and that it was just something I haven’t seen before. I ended up telling her I’d look at it the next time I see her or something.
AITA for calling my sister’s ring sketchy? WIBTA if she shows it to me again of her own volition and I tell her what it actually is (probably glass)?
Thing is, star opal isn’t… real.
The GIA seems to differ. They’re rare, but they’re definitely real, and they’ve been found in Thailand.
On balance you’re very probably correct that her ring isn’t star opal simply because of how rare they are, but still, slight YTA for jumping to conclusions immediately without taking a look at the stone first.
@Destructdisc I’m making two separate comments because I realized I’m coming off as defensive and possibly aggressive. FWIW, I did spend about an hour after talking to her combing the internet (including that article) for anything that looked like what she showed me. I was trying to keep in short in the post, but I realize my words were reductive and not useful for communicating my thought process.
@BabushkaCat No worries, it’s all good, gemology and materials science is so fucking cool and I’m really delighted you’re studying it
@Destructdisc
“It may also display asterism, though star opal has only been reported from Idaho.”Me: “Thing is, star opal isn’t… real. Not in the same way that you see star sapphires.”
I was saying the same thing. The asterism in her “star opal” looked like a star sapphire, not one that you would see on a star opal. It also doesn’t say in the article that it comes from Thailand?
ETA: I didn’t get into the long bits in the post, but the stone on her gem was actually a cat’s eye that split into different rays in the sun (which happens when cat’s-eyes get hit with two different points of light.) Cat’s-eye opal definitely exists for sure, but it comes in a kinda yellowish green to orange (brown), not very light blue.
@BabushkaCat Oh yeah no definitely, star sapphires are like that because of crystal structure, star opals are like that because of impurities. Totally on the same page here. I’m glad we could come to an understanding :D
NTA
She asked how It sounded to you, so she asked for your personal or professional opinion.
Sketchy is the perfect therm to describe something bought at a touristy place without outright saying it is fake prior to further examination, especially if you know it is very very rare.
If I would be asking a friend to examine something I owned, I would appreciate a genuine reply.
NTA You’re both adults. She asked for your input and you gave it. Her not liking/believing your response doesn’t make you TA.
NTA
You could also suggest she gets it appraised and insured. That way she’ll hear the news from a pro not so close to her.This might be the way to get her to listen: suggest that if it is what she says, it’s so rare that it should be insured by a reputable insurance company.
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NTA. I have same problem of answering too quickly, without filtering :-)
Edited to fix typo.
Doesn’t that just mean YBTA? 😉
