WINDER, GA—In the hours following a violent rampage in Georgia in which a lone attacker killed at least four individuals and injured nine others, citizens living in the only country where this kind of mass killing routinely occurs reportedly concluded Wednesday that there was no way to prevent the massacre from taking place…

  • @[email protected]
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    172 months ago

    Do they publish this every time there’s a school shooting? Swear I’ve seen this before.

    • @Comptero
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      162 months ago

      There is a wikipedia article about it.

      They say it’s a recuring series and they are on number 37.

  • badbrainstorm
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    102 months ago

    Merica sends their thoughts and prayers

    • @[email protected]
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      42 months ago

      Merica doesn’t actually give a shit either way. I’m surprised we aren’t keeping some kind of public score board with the names and body counts.

      • JaggedRobotPubes
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        12 months ago

        With the names of every republican lawmaker who refused common sense protections, and a total of how many schoolchildren, on average, each is responsible for murdering.

        • @[email protected]
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          32 months ago

          Yeah, but like who is #1? Which state is #1? And where can I bet on the next mass shooting? If it’s not a game show by now, we are missing out on a billion dollar industry.

          (Forgive my gallows humor)

  • Curious Canid
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    22 months ago

    Like the Daily Show, the Onion is being driven to actual journalism by the increasing absurdity of the world we live in.

  • @NegativeInf
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    -22 months ago

    Dumping antidepressants in the water is starting to look more and more effective as a mechanism for positive change in America.