When I was in grade school, I would always struggle to figure out which boys I had crushes on. I kind of thought all the girls were just making it up.

I was raised conservatively and you were just supposed to be with a man if you were a woman. Everyone seemed to hate their spouse, so I thought no woman really LIKED men. They smell bad, they don’t groom themselves well, and they don’t care about your interests. (For the fellas reading this, I know many men aren’t like this! This was just my experience and perception in a small town in a red state in the 90s.)

Women, though. They were just so pretty. And cute.

After puberty hit, it got so much worse. I wanted to have sex with them, but it’s not real sex since there is no man. (More of my environment influencing my thoughts here.) My self esteem was very low, and I didn’t think any women would want me, so I settled for men. I did have sex with a few women but they would ignore me and pretend nothing happened afterwards.

It finally clicked when I was 16. I dated this one girl that was truly awful to me, so I thought that maybe it wasn’t worth it. I shoved the gay feelings back inside. Why stray from “the default”, since it’s easier and still sucks anyway?

After horrible relationships with both men and women, I finally was out to myself at 26. I realized that men and women (and everyone else) have the potential to be horrible, amazing, or anything in between. Any partners I choose should be good to me. And when I allowed myself to consider anyone, I would only ever consider women or nonbinary folks.

It’s an interesting one for me, because I’m 34 and I still don’t know how to define my sexuality well.

The first time I accidentally stumbled upon porn it was lesbian porn, and it made me as horny as an 11-year old can get. I was, I think, genuinely attracted to women.

But over time I started also thinking about men, and coming to terms with the idea that I am bisexual at about 14 or 15.

Up to my early 20s, I had casual hookups with girls and guys, but making more progress (sexually speaking) with the guys because we’re a horny bunch.

What ended up happening is that a combination of fear of rejection, and inexperience, put me off women for good. I knew that most women in the 2010s Spain wouldn’t want to be with a bisexual guy, so being in a relationship with one would mean I’d have to hide a big part of myself.

So instead I shut that door down and just dated men from that point onwards and I’ve lived as gay since my 20s. I think that label is not a strictly accurate representation of my sexuality but nowadays, I don’t even get attracted to women. I think I’m not “used to” thinking of them that way and they don’t trigger that response in me anymore. I’m not sure if that could happen again though, but it doesn’t seem possible.

And anyway, I’m very happily partnered now so I don’t care about the details. Attraction-wise my boyfriend is all that matters now :)

8 years old, thank God I had the sense to keep it a secret even as a child though! All my friends who knew that early and told somebody ended up in conversion therapy

I still don’t know yet.

It took until I was about 18 for it to “click” and make sense to me that I was actually bi, not straight and not gay. It was very confusing growing up having attraction to both females and males.

I had the same “damn my friend(s) are TOO good looking” experience as you, but also had crushes on girls and went on dates. I also “experimented” with a male friend of mine (also romantically), and even after all of this, it took a few years more for it to click lol.

Also, yeah, guys on underwear… oh boy

It’s weird, but I think I always knew. So we didn’t have sex Ed in school (I lived in a very conservative country). My parents also didn’t have “the talk” with me ever. This is why I got to know about what sex was somewhere around the age of 11-12.

Now, I was masturbating n stuff WAAAAAAAY before this. And I knew what fantasies I had when masturbating lmao. They very clearly were boys from school.

Anyway, so after I got to know what sex actually meant (kinda), I quickly discovered porn, when I tried looking for a sex demonstration or something (I initially thought that u had to go to the hospital to perform this “sex procedure” in front of the doctors to make a baby or whatever). Anyway, so I discovered straight porn. At the same time, people at school had started using the slur, “gay”.

I knew it meant man+man instead of woman+man. I looked it up, and immediately understood that I was indeed gay.

Now ofc, acceptance took almost my entire teenage life. I hated myself for being who I was and so on. Wasn’t very nice.

Congratulations and not sure if I have come to terms myself. For the most part I feel I am straight but I have a crush on one of my friends who I’d happily cuddle up and watch films with. Anyway pretty sure I’m bi.