“I’d challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you’re unarmed.”
~ William Shakespeare, The Taming of the Shrew
“You want my children? Take them! I have the instrument to make more.”
~ Caterina Sforza when blackmailed by kidnappers using her children as leverage (main source: Niccolo Machiavelli)
“We fulfill the demands of nature in a much better way than do you Roman women; for we consort openly with the best men, whereas you let yourselves be debauched in secret by the vilest.”
~ Earliest recorded words of a Scot, third century AD (never change, Scotland).
When my late husband said, “why you syphilitic son of a bitch” I knew that he was really angry at someone and if he said “rats in a dishpan” then something just went haywire. He passed away 30 years ago now and I have never heard another person say those things.
…I have never heard another person say those things.
Haha, I can totally relate to someone making up expressions, then sticking with them. For example, a couple I made up for whatever reason, and still employ with a frequency:
- Oh, rabbits! (expression of surprise, sometimes used as a mild curse)
- Well, shut my mouth and spank my bottom! (surprised, Southern-style)
- Smooch my ruby, red rump! (tauntingly, Bender of Futurama-style)
.
EDIT: Oh, and my grandpère used to loudly exclaim “Fiddlesticks!” when he was obviously angry or deeply annoyed. I’ve never heard that term used ever across old literature, films, etc.
EDIT2: Back when the TV series Deadwood was running, I remember someone online asking ‘why are they swearing using completely modern terms?’ and someone else answering ‘because if the show used authentic curse words, the characters would all sound like variants of Yosemite Sam.’
I dunno, speaking as a Naked Gun / Zucker fan, I think I might have enjoyed that! :P
Fiddlesticks is a known English term. It’s a mild oath like dang or darn.
“Oh rabbits” sounds like something Wallace and Gromit would say.
Reminds me of Butters from South Park, he says “Oh hamburgers!”
“Oh, Rabbits!” is actually an Australian curse much like Americans say, Oh, Rats. It comes from the Great Rabbit plague. Never heard of it?
I’ve heard of the rabbit plague but never would’ve made that connection.
Always found it akin to the perfect example of Murphy’s Law that humans are the one invasive species that doesn’t thrive well there.
My dad once described a tree as being “deader than a snake” and i can’t help but wonder how much deader than a snake that tree actually was… 3/5? A half gallon? 28 minutes?
I love it. I’ve been enjoying “MotherFather” as a soft landing out of habitually cursing when frustrated.
i think Steve Martin said MotherFather Chinese Dentist
My sister once told someone to eat a steaming bowl of rat assholes, and our friend group used that one for years.
You can get pretty good results by saying, “Well {verb} my {noun}!” It always ends up sounding quaint. It’s like the mad libs of incredulity
- Well kiss my grits!
- Well steam my hogs!
- Well string my banjo!
- Well iron my shirts!
- Well paint my deck!
- Well trash my patio!
- Well crash my harddrive!
- Well tear my pants!
You get this for “well trash my patio”.
These sound extremely historical lol
I say “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph” as an exclamation to this day.
That reminds me, I once heard an irritated dad at a kids playground yell “cheese and rice”!
I’ve started saying “Oh Buddah” just to mix it up a bit
Same.
I have a Day of the Dead (1985) drinking game that includes taking a drink whenever the alcoholic says, “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.” It’s the only real catch-phrase in the movie, and since he’s usually taking a drink too I don’t feel like I’m drinking alone.
“Ketter” meaning heathen.
My grandfather used it recently: “I used to smoke like a heathen”.
Accusing someone of having too much semen.
It was a thing.
John Adams accused Alexander Hamilton of having such an excess of semen that all the brothels in the city couldn’t help him.
You got too many swimmers bro, I can’t even
It was an insult, too. Different times.
If someone said that to me I’d interpret that as having too much unprotected sex, so basically being a slut
A she bitch of a goat’s gizzard
Always like to hear a “dagnamit” or a “goldarnit”.
Cansarnit!
Scotland was, oddly, the last country in the UK do get rid of blasphemy laws, so the generation before mine used phrases like -
Jings, crivvens and help ma Boab!
And
In the name o the wee man!
Never knew that jings crivvens was a placeholder for anything. I’m guessing ”Jesus, Christ and help me God"? TIL!
“I’ll be hornswaggled in duck sauce!”
I’m also partial to “you are mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence” from the movie Time Bandits, and i use it frequently. Applied it to a comment yesterday, as a matter of fact.
Cor blimey
Consarn it, rabble rousers and highwaymen struck when the iron was hot and now the flat foots are taking them all to the hoose-gow.
Not an insult really, but always like the saying
“it’s louder than 2 skeletons fucking on a tin roof”
Points if it comes from unexpected sources.
My username.
