This happened last weekend and I can’t stop thinking about it. My boyfriend invited me to his company’s Christmas dinner and I was excited but also nervous. I wanted to make a good impression so I spent a lot of time picking the perfect outfit, doing my hair, and ensuring I was presentable.
When we arrived everything seemed fine at first. I introduced myself to his coworkers and they were polite if not a little stiff. As the night went on though things took a turn.
During dinner my boyfriend made a joke about my job. I’m an event planner and he works in corporate finance. He said something like “She just plans parties for a living while I’m out here making real money.” People laughed but I felt a lump in my throat. I work hard and I’m proud of what I do so hearing him belittle me like that stung.
I tried to laugh it off to keep things light but then he doubled down. Someone asked me about my favorite event I’d planned and before I could answer he interrupted saying “Probably one of those kids’ birthday parties. That’s her level of expertise.” Everyone laughed again and I just sat there mortified.
The final straw came during dessert when people were sharing funny stories. He decided to tell an embarrassing story about me that I’ve explicitly asked him not to share before. It’s a personal story from early in our relationship involving a mishap I had while meeting his parents. I was practically begging him with my eyes to stop but he told the story anyway.
I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Everyone was laughing, and I wanted to disappear. I quietly told him I wasn’t okay with what he was doing but he brushed me off, saying “Don’t be so uptight—it’s all in good fun.”
At that point I couldn’t take it anymore. I excused myself thanked the host and left. When he got home he was furious accusing me of embarrassing him by leaving. He said I made him look bad in front of his coworkers and that I was being overly sensitive.
Now he’s refusing to apologize and insists I owe him an apology for “overreacting.” My friends are split some say I should’ve stayed and dealt with it later while others think he crossed the line.
So? Thoughts ?
This is clearly abusive behavior, and it will only escalate the longer you stick around.
Check out this book, it’s a quick read and really demystifies the behavior of abusive partners: https://archive.org/details/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/mode/2up
Quite clearly. Even if you wanted to forgive his attempts at humor at your expense, his insistence on you apologizing is indicative of your feelings being beneath his. He cannot place himself in your position to realize it was hurtful, and this will escalate as time passes.
He decided to tell an embarrassing story about me that I’ve explicitly asked him not to share before
That’s not a red flag, that’s the end of the relationship.
Sounds like he needs to be an ex-boyfriend. He doesn’t respect you
You were absolutely in the right. He crossed the line in a major way. It’s one thing to lightly tease about your career, but denigrating your skill at the job you love and sharing something you explicitly asked to never be shared is way too far. I’m not going to jump to the classic “break up now” trope, but I think you’ll have to arrange a serious conversation about your boundaries and how you were hurt.
Fuck that shit, I wouldn’t give this guy the time of day afterwards.
Homeboy is insecure and a coward. I’ve been around similar idiots. They feel insecure in front of the bros they’re trying to impress so they pick on someone they think will not defend themselves. In my case they pick on me being short. Dumbasses aren’t even creative so it’s easy to snap right back having heard their jokes a million times. They don’t like that. They’re super sensitive. Dump his ass, you deserve better. All he’s going to do is double down. If you cave, it will only get worse.
I’m sorry you went through that. The way he treated you is 100% not okay. Your boyfriend appears to be lacking a reasonable level of empathy and EQ. It’s likely to only get worse. It may not be quite on the nose but google the acronym DARVO.
If he were a half-decent person he’d apologize to you regardless of how he felt—that’s what people do when they respect you and give a shit.
As for your friends who thought you should have dealt with that… get some friends with some fucking empathy. That’s not how people treat each other when they care.
Again, sorry you went through that. It’s shitty.
If you’re there for the money, then dealing with the abuse is your job. It’s not one I’d recommend. Has it worked out well for Melania?
He probably resents your current job because it interferes with his control over you.
I’m not one of those people who will tell you to lawyer up, hit the boss, and delete the gym for every situation. This one is a pretty big red flag though. Is this a one-off or is it a pattern?
He sounds like a twat. Why are you with him? Is he holding your mother hostage or something?
No way! He is 100% to blame. I would never consider saying anything that would hurt my wife, especially not to entertain coworkers. That guy massively crossed the line of trust and protection. If he can’t see that, then that means this will be normal behavior for him. He also showed that he doesn’t respect what you do and thinks it is silly. I’m very sorry, but you should evaluate your future with him. It sounds like you live together, so it’s going to be hard.
Your boyfriend is walking dog shit and you don’t deserve this.
If you have to ask the question, you already know the answer. Don’t be with someone who doesn’t respect you; then you don’t respect yourself, and you are lost. You deserve respect, and we all do. I send my love and hope you find a better place.
He’s a fucking arrogant prick. Dump his narcissistic ass.
Surely this wasn’t the first red flag. Why you with a clown if you don’t enjoy the circus
He’s an asshole, and he’s in finance. He’s a double asshole.
I’m actually curious about what your favorite event you planned was.
