I have heard from multiple people that eye contact is essential in letting a girl (or guy, I guess) know you’re interested.
But what is the 411 when it comes to said eye contact? Do you keep looking until she does? Do you then keep staring? Or is like looking at the sun? What’s the deal?
First you need to approach in a non threatening way. Ideally, by shouting “I am bigger and stronger than you! If I wanted you dead, you’d be by now!”
That way they know you are NOT a threat
If possible, make them feel secure by brandishing a weapon of any kind. That way they know they WILL be safe near you
Any advice for autistic people who are uncomfortable with eye contact?
You look them deep in the center of their eyes and breath deep and smile and then you use your fucking words to tell them.
There is an evolutionary trait that checks potential partners for eye dilation after prolonged eye contact, supposedly to check for defects, but all it does is a little Seratonin so it’s useless in a world of rational choice.
You look them deep in the center of their eyes
Like in between the eyes or in the middle of one eye? If it’s one eye, do you pick one or do you switch? At which frequency?
Every 6.9 microseconds. Remember to very your pitch
Damn, I have to train.
Words? What is that. Where do I buy one?
I look like this…
Works 100% percent of the time.
60% of the time it works all the time.
So I think the question could be refined a little. Eye contact helps build connection between people, but it’s not the only piece of the puzzle. Maybe a better question is “'How do I communicate more empathetically?”
There’s another question; “How do I let someone know I’m interested?” This question is related to the first in that trying to get close to another person (being vulnerable with each other) and communicating your feelings is how you let someone know your interested.
TLDR: get to know them and tell them you’re interested. If they say they’re not interested you can probably still be friends since you already got to know each other. Empathy and humility/vulnerability are key in building relationships.
Yeah people like it when you take a genuine interest in them so asking about their hobbies and passions is also a good way to flirt. Basically you are trying to give the other person the sense that you are equal parts interested and impressed by them.
Edit: Been with my wife for 13 years now so this is probably bad advice for youngsters. These days they likely stare at their phones and send aubergine emojis to each other while sitting 2 feet away
I’m not yet 30 and I think it’s good applicable advice. I think you can actually practice a lot of these skills by making friends. The difference between romantic and platonic isn’t that big.
It’s all vibes. There is no cheat code, you just have to grok social ques by spending lots of time with people. Put your 10000 hours in, its worth it people are fascinating.
What do you do with the vibrations? What frequency?
I’m told you are supposed to pick up the good ones.
grok social ques
Best possible word choice to tell us you can’t do it yourself.
how dare you. I have friends they just go to a different school
bro the last paragraph makes you sound like an ailen trying to mimic humans ngl
GREETINGS FELLOW HUMAN
I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Do I sound like a handsome alien, at least?
sometimes i keep looking until she does, sometimes i keep staring at her. it doesn’t matter, based on the condition
You won’t get good answers on social cues from Lemmy. You might get good Linux tips though.
Fair enough, what Linux command do you use to make eye contact?
export DISPLAY=:0; xeyes
Bruh just use screen
touch eyes
This is inappropriate on so many levels:
- If there are eyes and you touch them it’s wrong.
- If a person doesn’t have eyes touching where they are isn’t going to be a winning strategy either
- If you touch a file in Linux called eyes and create it people will be very confused
- If there’s already an existing file called eyes that’s disturbing. What? Why?
cat eyesof Sauron [elrond@rivendell ~] runuser -l guest.frodo -c '/home/guest.frodo/ring.sh' cat eyes cat: no such file or directory
LinusSexTips
Sure 😏 (Public key already on my profile, if you want)
Why won’t you send me your private key? Don’t you trust me? 🥺💔😭
---BEGIN PGP PRIVATE KEY--- hunter2 ---END PGP PRIVATE KEY---😉
How does one patch KDE2 under FreeBSD?
Probably using ports, but it depends on the version.
Linux != FreeBSD
It’s not just eye contact, there’s all the rest of it too including other body language and how you’re speaking to someone.
That said, I used to occasionally hang with a guy that chased all the girls (the kind of guy that would ignore you as soon as a girl he could be interested in showed up) and he would all but stare at her in conversation. Made me uncomfortable by proxy, lol. Seemed effective, but that’s what he did.
In her book “How to talk to anyone” Leil Lowndes suggests that when speaking with women it’s best to maintain constant, unbroken eye contact to signal attention and interest. She goes on to note that even when engaged in conversation with multiple people one should act as if their eyes are constantly glued to the woman, only briefly looking away when another person is speaking and behaving as if your eyes are irresistibly drawn back to the woman of interest. She believes this formula is best in male to female conversations and female to female conversation.
By contrast, she notes that when engaged in a male to male conversation, one should regularly break eyecontact as not to be perceived as a threat. However, one should still act as if your eyes are being irresistibly drawn back to theirs.
… I have no idea what Lowndes’s qualifications are and frankly this sounds like a formula written by an alien trying to understand humans but hey maybe theres some merrit to it idk
She goes on to note that even when engaged in conversation with multiple people one should act as if their eyes are constantly glued to the woman, only briefly looking away when another person is speaking and behaving as if your eyes are irresistibly drawn back to the woman of interest.
Honestly, as a woman, if a man started doing this to me in a group I’d be freaked the fuck out
Focussing… Focussing…Yep. As if women would never perceive men as a threat based on the same signals men would use to perceive threat.
Men, logical and hunter warrior manly men. Women, attention seekers. Therefore, stare down pretty women to show manly manness.
Alpha bro evo psych is so wild.
Yeah but due to conditioning from many generations of patriarchy, the man being perceived as a threat might actually help his chances. A disproportionately high ratio of women seem to enjoy threatening sexual partners.
If getting laid is the only goal, the male has more to fear from not trying than fear of rejection. That and pepper spray.
I think they mean 1 on 1
Jesus christ dude
She goes on to note that even when engaged in conversation with multiple people one should act as if their eyes are constantly glued to the woman
Kinda sounds like it would be the same kind of thing that brought forth the whole “alpha male” thing.
I got that vibe throughout the entire book. It really smelled to me of someone trying to justify their own success when in reality she was probably just born with the right connections.
Almost like sex hormones change the way people act and react
Okay but where’s the line between “unbroken eye contact to signal attention and interest” and just being a creepy stalker?
Varies with attractiveness.
Can confirm. Have been told I have dangerous eyes.
the line between […] just being a creepy stalker?
Depends mainly on your own looks, and a little bit on the question if she’s already into you:
Are you closer to George Clooney or The Real Life Hunchback?
Well, I got the impression that the author was mostly hanging out in upper class society. So while she’s asserting that these rules are universally applicable, her frame of reference seemed to be mostly talking to people in situations like fundraisers and galas. I imagine she’s operating on a framework of always having some prior knowledge of the people she’s engaging with.
Gotta follow rules 1 and 2, of course.
The only community I’ve been in where men constantly break eye contact is the military. And that’s because we were in Iraq and constantly checking out surroundings as we talked. Men are not gorillas. Eye contact is perceived as paying attention to the conversation.
From my experience, if you make eye contact, look away briefly, then look back. If she’s still looking at you, hold eye contact for a moment and smile. If she likes you, she’ll likely smile back.
If she’s purposely avoiding making eye contact the second time, don’t be a creep, carry on with your day 👌
No no no. If she’s purposely avoiding eye contact you have to stare at her with wide open eyes and a big smile.
If she walks away follow her, if she starts running away from you, run after her. She’s telling you to come over.
That’s how you conquer a woman /s
There’s a very thin line between the longing look of admiration and the cold gaze of a serial killer.
We are like the least qualified social media to answer this
Well… where do I find the most qualified social media then??
Onlyfans obviously
Alright, I’ll be right back.
Edit: They all just told me to take it off. Very unhelpful.
There are plenty of videos out there on body language or “non verbal communication”. A common one which i picked up on long ago and to myself referred to as “the uppy/downy” look is what you want. It’s a clue someone MIGHT be into you when they make eye contact, look away (usually down), then make eye contact again. Allegedly they are checking you out, looking away, then looking to see if you’re still looking. It’s fair to say it works both ways.
My opinion is that nothing insincere works, and you’d better find that interest inside yourself and allow it to guide you. Even if you won’t manage a lot of eye contact.
But admittedly I have a diagnosis and I don’t have a girlfriend.
find that interest inside yourself
I looked in my asshole but found something else entirely. Where is can I look? What other spot can I pick?
I suppose you don’t really need a girlfriend with such looking skills.
