[DO NOT READ IF YOU’RE SENSITIVE TO DISCRIMINATION, EMOTIONAL ABUSE/BULLYING, OR TO START AN ARGUMENT. I JUST NEEDED TO RANT.]
my friend for 4 years is someone who i had to cut contact with. they’ve completely discarded me, perhaps before i cut contact altogether and won’t even look nor talk to me.
they are definitely something else, and i should probably feel good about that but it kind of hurts. part of the reason why seems to be because i’m an autistic woman, as she makes fun of autistic people and views them as lesser despite using autism as an excuse to be “stimmy”.
she also used to do the “don’t leave me for these other people! they don’t understand you like i do” thing. for years she convinced me that most everyone is ableist and evil and that i would never be good enough.
she convinced me it’s normal to treat people badly when you wanted to “mold” them into the person you wanted them to be, and it wasn’t until sometime last year that i realized this behavior was harmful.
she started treating my childhood friend badly too, and i had enough and we both cut off contact with her.
she, as of now, only talks to and hangs out with men and completely ignores women unless she wants a favour from them.
she also only hangs out with straight women because not only are they dating/hanging out with/romantically involved with “cool guys”, but they’re less likely to be “obsessed with her”. (last year, she didn’t hang out with lesbians because she thought they all were attracted to her and “lesbians aren’t my type”.)
her views are a shame because i’m autistic and a lesbian who somehow had feelings for her in the first year or so i met her.
she has some sort of pyramid, where straight men are at the top and autistic people are at the bottom, even worse if they’re autistic women because women are “dramatic b*tches”
now, rather than being mean towards women (specifically autistic women like me) she doesn’t even talk to them, which i guess is improvement, but i needed to rant.
Losing someone hurts, even if you’re better off in the long run. It’s OK to mourn the hole where the good times would have been, and resist the urge to dismiss the happy memories because the bad ones were so shitty. Even bad friends make us feel good sometimes, and that’s not a weakness.
That said, be strong and surround yourself with people who don’t also make you feel bad about yourself. Live well free of her burdens, and don’t let the sadness fester.
Ultimately you’ve made the right choice. You properly identified harmful/manipulative actions and her behalf and have seemingly cut her out of your life so great job!
Naturally you hung out with her because you valued at least some portion of the time you spent together. That is the thing that may hurt the most, but also consider all the bad sides that you are no longer going to experience.
Try to surround yourself with people who respect you for you and who you feel you can be yourself around, be them existing friends or new ones who you meet in the future.
Sound like you are heading in a good direction!
