Hi folks. I think my 16yo son has ADHD. He shows a lot of the classic behaviours. (Not listed for brevity)
He’s smart, performs well in class, but struggles badly with exams, detail. He is also struggling with revision. He’s been a high performing up until now but he’s hit hit the limit of his abilities.
His exams are 2 months away, we won’t get a diagnosis in time 😔
Can anyone here suggest resources or personal insights that could help me help him through this period?
Thanks!
Ideally, he would need someone to sit down and study with him. Encouraging him and refocusing him when he goes off track, but always in a positive mood. That takes a lot of time and effort, though, so I don’t know how feasible it is for you. You may want to look up the concept of scaffolding in the context of ADHD for this.
Things to try for him are listening to music while studying (some of us perform better with added stimuli) and having a source of glucose ready (glass of orange juice or similar to sip on). Some research I’ve read suggests that ADHD brains consume inordinate amounts of blood sugar when focusing.
Medication such as methylphenidate can also help but should only be administered following guidance from his doctor.
Revision and exams are a really difficult challenge for many ADHD people. I’ve done completed multiple degrees, and still don’t think I’ve mastered it. And other folks have said, everyone is different, so it’s more about finding out what works for your son than general advice… Apart from, perhaps, that “just try harder” is terrible advice for everyone. So I’m just going to speak about own experiences, but hopefully it can get you thinking about what might click with your son.
Getting started and sticking with it - Even if its something I enjoy, I can find it hard to get started and if it’s something I’m anxious about or don’t enjoy or have had a bad experience with, it can be almost impossible. **Suggestions **- Having someone help me start and stay with me (so I don’t just give up and do something else) is really helpful. Depending on the task it might enough for them to just sit by (maybe doing their own focused work, as a good model) or to be there for me to ask questions and bounce stuff off every time i get stuck. Its also important to learn what time of day works best for the individual, my brain works much better in the morning and if I try and work on something in the evening its 10x harder.
Focus and Engagement - Even if I’m really motivated, and supported, I can read the same page ten times and not take it in. For me, reading sequentially through something and trying to remember it, even if take notes, is not enough to engage my brain. Suggestions: Stupid stuff like starting partway through a book section so I find it a bit confusing, then flick back and forth trying to understand it makes it more engaging and stops my brain tuning out. Similarly, instead of trying to memorize a bunch of information, I respond well to questions/problem solving - if I’m trying to prove a point to someone, suddenly I’ll be great at skimming through textbooks to find the info I need. Learning about the different states of matter could be mind-numbing, but trying to explain to someone “why turning into either steam or ice could make a container of water explode” would get me thinking about a bunch of relevant topics.
Memorization and Notes - I spent a lot of school struggling to write notes, then never reading them. Since then I’ve found non-linear approaches much more effective: mind maps, brainstorming with post-its, even drawing pictures. Stuff like mind maps reward brains that jump from one idea to another, rather than being expected to work through an ordered list. Being asked to write down all the ideas that come to mind on “Why did the Civil War happen?” is more interesting than reading a chapter on someone else’s answers. Even if you don’t know anything about the subject, you can put down some vague ideas (“ugh, slavery? something about states rights?”) and then quickly look up stuff about it to flesh it out. When it works well, I suddenly realize, “shit, i’m meant to be studying and making a mindmap, not getting distracted and reading ‘the myth of the Lost Cause’… oh wait, this IS studying!”
tl;dr - what helps is unique, but helping your son get started, making studying interactive and conversational helps, and maybe try mind-maps and non-linear approaches. If he can find a way to become genuinely curious he will motivate himself!
So just incase your aware adhd or not all brains are a little different, what might work for someone may not work for you so results may vary
For me though I live my life on calendars and sticky’s
Like from 10am-12 I’m gonna study my psyc stuff, then a half hour break, then study my history for an hour
Also I get overwhelmed really easy so breaking up tasks and outlining what needs to be done helps me. For example I don’t need to write a paper, just an introduction, which is X, Y, and Z, get 2 bullet points for each section. Then I move on the next section
Like I said this is what works for me hopefully this is at least some help
Have you talked to the school? They may be able to help out, particularly if he’s already in the queue for a diagnosis. Maybe a note from your doctor would support this.
Help may be tuition support, guidance or even some extra time in the exam room - or doing the exam in a different area.
Anything you can do to stack the odds in your favor can help, and the worst they can day is ‘no’, so there’s nothing really to lose.
Finally, though exams are important, they are not the end of the world. They can be retaken later if necessary so try and remember to keep things in perspective and manage the stress accordingly.
Finally finally, good luck to you and your son.
We’ve talked about his situation, but not in a formal ‘he needs support’ kind of way. When he’s getting low As and Bs it’s really hard to talk about him not meeting his potential, I just look like a pushy parent.
I think what I’m mostly worrying about myself is that the future he wants for himself needs grades that he’s capable of intellectually, but not at the work rate he’s able to do today. I know that things usually work out, but it’s still hard in the moment to see that he might miss out on his dream goals.
ymmv, but my suggestion is: study with them. I’m a few years behind you in a similar trajectory, and we’ve been doing 3 study sessions each week, it’s helped. even when they’re re-reading notes and texts, it’s helpful to walk them through it.
good luck.
That brings me back! When I was a kid I did mostly good in school, but I despised history, so my mom would take the manual and make small test like question and quizzes that I could then consult the manual for to answer (but not copy). Just the change of format made it a search information task instead of reading a huge dull bunch of text.
History was always my weakest subject, but the help my mom gave always kept me from having terrible grades
This is a good idea thanks! My wife and I talked about something similar recently. I think we’re going to try having some of our own office work scheduled for times when he is studying/revising.
My sense is that his problem isn’t particularly the understanding of the topic, it’s laying down a deep enough application of it to get the marks in the exams.
Good luck!
I just gave up on reviewing my own work and just tried to do good enough that “careless errors” were most of my point losses, but that wasn’t so much that it was a problem.