I’m doing some research for a post I’d like to make in this community about the crisis of masculinity and I had a question pop into my brain: Why don’t manly men explain the reason for being a man?
Let me explain.
A manly man may, when asked why they’re a man, respond “Look at me”, as if phenotypic expression makes them a man, even as they may disparage a trans-man who has similar physical characteristics. Or they may say, “Because I’m the breadwinner” or some other variation that references the role they play in society as a man.
But like…why do that in the first place?
I’m a biological male but I honestly could not provide a purpose for being a man even though that is how I gender myself. I don’t appeal to my role as a man in anything I do nor do I see it as a justification for acting in any way. I don’t aspire to “be a man”, it’s not a motivating force.
So, I’m curious as to why it does for others. Help me out, y’all! Why “be man” in the first place?
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They identify as a man because gender is defined externally to the individual. They were born, the doctor saw a penis, said, “it’s a boy” and those around them reinforced male norms onto them: parents tend to cuddle boys less than girls; enforce stoic principles (men don’t cry); encourage rougher, more violent play; and encourage more independence. There’s plenty of references for these points so I didn’t feel the need to provide any.
Most people don’t challenge their identity if they don’t need to and changing parts of your identity can be traumatic (ask queer person what coming out was like for them). The crisis of masculinity, as with any cultural crisis, is just a conservative, reaction to something that challenges them.
Gender is cultural and temporal so changes all the time; high heeled shoes used to be worn by rich Persian men, pink was the color that boys wore because pink was thought to be a watered down red, the color of the British army that they would, of course, eventually join. The Male Breadwinner model is an interesting way to frame the idea that the man is provider for the family. Prior to the Industrial Revolution the whole family provided.
Aspiring to be some vague archetypal construct of what a man is seems silly to me. I think people should aspire to have certain values and scruples. Most valuable men I’ve met were defined by their behavior and actions, rather than image and projection.
See, this is what I thought initially: “I’m a man” is an indirect expression of values. And in more thoughtful men, traditional or otherwise, they may be able to articulate their values. So, I think this is probably the best answer.
But then there’s the obvious question of why those values embody being a man only. Why can’t women value the same thing and have the same type of expression? This part of the traditional manliness-as-values makes absolutely no sense to me. It seems unnecessarily restrictive.
Traditional gender roles are useful until they’re no longer useful, as a society changes. I think western culture is going through a number of identity crises as a result of changes to various status quo, and the idea of “manliness” has become confusing for many. And unfortunately, the western world isn’t great at suggesting or encouraging healthy alternatives or the means to individually arrive at them. We instead wage culture wars, point fingers, and do disservice to those suffering in silent confusion.
This is all clearly just my opinion from my armchair, and I respect and welcome contrasting points of view.
Yeah we have a crisis of masculinity because the patriarchy has decided that manhood is important, but then also anyone with any logical ability notices that gender is a social construct. So men who feel like they benefit from patriarchy and want it to continue must wage a war. Against women and feminists. Against anyone queer. Against any man who doesn’t tow the line that a penis and a sports pendant on the wall of the man cave are like the most important things to ever happen.
I don’t know how to be anything else but myself and I’m not even really good at that. But to be fair, my gender never meant much to me, so the question why be a man, never crossed my mind.
