Hi there, in case you’re wondering, this is just a burner account as I want to keep somewhat personal things separate from my usual account.
I’m looking for some advice/thoughts on the following.
I’m in a relationship and we’re slowly looking into moving together, which also brings financial things to the table. She’s got a kid, both of the parents are still somewhat in the picture. When we’re moving together it’ll mean that they will be living in my house. She already told me that shes not ever asking me to pay anything with regards to the kid, but I think that’s not really all that fair.
I’m looking for advice/thoughts on this matter. Personally I would find it nothing but fair to chip in for the necessary things, as in food, clothes etc., but draw the line when it comes to school, vacation and that sort of things, mainly because both of the parents are still there and to not bring a kid that her and I might ever have in the future in a financial disadvantage, because I’ve been chipping in for everything for the other kid. Secondly, it’s of course their kid that they chose for, so it’s not my responsibility, neither does the kid owe me any responsibility.
Personally I would find it nothing but fair to chip in for the necessary things, as in food, clothes etc., but draw the line when it comes to school, vacation and that sort of things
Ideally both parents will contribute for the sake of their child’s wellbeing, but you can’t draw a line in these situations.
Secondly, it’s of course their kid that they chose for, so it’s not my responsibility, neither does the kid owe me any responsibility.
You’re not ready for this this kind of major life change. You need to reconsider this move if this is how you truly feel.
Thanks. Yeah I’ve worded that in a wrong way, it’s definitely not the way how I feel.
How’s your relationship with this kid? Do you have clear expectations between you and this kid’s parents (and the kid if they are old enough) about how YOU will interact with them? Can you punish or praise the kid, or take them for ice cream? If another kid wants a sleepover can you say yes or do you need to call? Can you pick the kid up from school?
Like it or not this is a child, not a roommate. You’re gonna be in a position of authority and love for them, and they for you. They will look to you for guidance, push boundaries with you, and develop their own relationship with you. Until you have serious clarity - with yourself and this family - about how you will co-parent then you need to be very, very careful.
As for money - logistically it is a pain in the butt to separate basics like food out for a kid. Makes sense for me to not pay for vacations you’re not going on, but if you take the kid you should help pay. Again, this is a child, not a roommate.
Currently it’s just in a all happy, fun state. Thanks for your insights, we’re also gonna have a talk about what is expected from me. I’ve already told her that even though it won’t officially be my kid, I dont feel anything less for the kid, that’s both in a caring way, but also in a guiding way.
She couldn’t expect anything from her previous boyfriend, which also wasn’t the parent of the kid, which is probably why she’s not expecting anything from me. Hence I’m looking for what’s a fair way to handle things.
Hello, I can’t really comment on the question, but I just wanted to point out that if you would like a more financial perspective on this you can post to [email protected]
