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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/butt3rnutbabe on 2023-06-22 00:29:58+00:00.

My partner and I have been vegan for years. We have a 4 year old son who eats the same things as us, so for now is also plant-based.

We have always said that our goal will be to instill vegan values in him, but that ultimately, once he gets to the age where he starts to have more autonomy, he won’t be punished or anything for choosing to consume animal products when presented with the opportunity–that will be his choice. Though of course it would be a (secret) bummer for us, lol. But that’s why we refer to him as plant-based rather than vegan, until he chooses that label for himself, basically.

The rest of our family is not vegan and generally doesn’t try to be accommodating regarding that either. For example, my MIL insisted on throwing a bday party for my husband, but then mentioned the morning of that she would be serving pizza, cake, and ice cream (non vegan) and that we should bring our own versions to the party “if we wanted to eat some.” Which wouldn’t have been unreasonable except for that it was a party she was throwing FOR my husband. Just little things like that.

ANYWAY.

Last weekend we went to a BBQ at a relative’s house. Per usual, we brought our own food. Veggie dogs.

My son was sitting on my MILs lap with his veggie dog and she was eating a (beef) burger. She asked him if he wanted a bite. This is the first time I’ve seen her offer him meat. She wasn’t trying to be sneaky about it. I think that by asking in front of me, she was testing the waters a bit regarding our earlier statements about him having the choice to eat animal products if he wanted to.

He said, “is it cow or veggie?” (we eat plenty of veggie burgers, veggie nuggets, etc so he knows to ask what things are made of)

MIL said “no honey, it’s beef.”

He said “Beef?”

She said “yes, it’s good! Try a bite.”

I was sitting across the table and watching my son process her answer, which in my opinion was intentionally indirect, so I offered, “beef is another word for cow.”

My son said, “cow???” and pulled a kind of shocked face, which actually surprised me because he knows most other people eat animals, but he acted like this was unheard of lol.

My MIL gave me such a dirty look. My son did not try her burger, ate a few more bites of his veggie dog, and went to play. My MIL got up and went inside and I didn’t see her for the rest of the BBQ.

Later, my FIL called my husband berating him for allowing me to “drive a wedge between your mother and her only grandchild by making him think she is an animal killer or something” (this is close to verbatim), that I can’t “keep him from eating normal food” forever, and I should apologize.

We don’t think I did anything wrong, but my BIL texted my husband also, said he thinks their parents are overreacting but that I should have not been “so specific about what beef is” and that it DOES seem like I was trying to throw my MIL under the bus.

AITA?