Two years ago, when I was 16, my dad tried to set me up with one of his business partners. I told him off, and he never tried that again. Soon after that, I met this guy through my friends, and we started dating. He’s only one year older than me, so it’s age-appropriate. It’s a very laid-back and fun relationship, but we have to keep it low-key since we live in the Gulf region, and he’s a native. Due to sociocultural, religious, and even legal factors, he’s not supposed to date. However, like many of these wealthy native Gulf families, they do everything they’re not supposed to do on the down low. I don’t know if it will necessarily last long-term, but for now, we’re having a good time.
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High school girlfriend. I used her for sex. We knew each other from like early grade school and I always had a crush on her, very physically attracted to her.
I took a leap of faith and asked her out, and she said yes.
Turns out, we weren’t really compatible, but we were both horny teens with limited supervision. Did not take long at all for us to start experimenting. Eventually, her parents found out we were boinking and split us up, but I realized at the time that I was not heartbroken or sad, I was just disappointed that I wouldn’t get to have sex with her anymore, and it was a big wake up moment for me.
I was wrong, of course. We did have sex a few more times once we both became adults, and we both kind of acknowledged that the other person was just a convenient fuck buddy and that we had nothing else in common. I eventually had to break it off with her when I started getting serious with another girl.
I feel like I’ve matured a lot since then.
She was a Native American girl who was six days younger than I. (We were 15) She had the deepest dark eyes and long black hair that went to her butt. She showed me all sorts of music I’d never heard before. It was a long time ago, but we got along well. Sadly I did the typical teenager thing and dumped her for someone else. That someone else was a bad fit and I should have stayed with the heavy metal Indian chick. (as she described herself)
Two years ago, when I was 16, my dad tried to set me up with one of his business partners.
Is no one gonna talk about this?
If OP meant Persian Gulf, that kind of explains itself. In many muslim societies, the father will get someone for his daughter(s). 16 is probably legal in their country, that or something its populace would consider “eh, close enough”
You did, and that’s why your comment is at the top.
Way too long comment incoming:
I do want to comment on this being a cultural thing. I think @[email protected] could be right about where this… something I learned early in college in basically Sociology 101 and Psychology 101 was to not judge other cultures based off of my/our own values because they have a different value set. Here’s the thing, these value sets that other countries have - and fuck, even America apparently - and this “value” or belief or law specifically, really aid in the abuse of children and/or women.
For example, something we’ve seen for 40 years has been women in the Middle East (ME) standing up and dying for fair treatment. While I disagree with the use of messaging that GOP representatives are using against MEasterners this cycle - it is racist and I deplore it - this is what they are pointing to, and it is still a big problem that these women are fighting.
We’ve seen a similar fight in Japan recently. Women pushing for higher age of consent (AoC) and stricter standards around it, too.
This may help illustrate. I was an investigator of child abuse and ONLY investigated parents who abused their children. For this conversation, you have to understand that legal definitions and upholding them are at least partially about feasibility. For example here is how child abuse is defined and how an act meets it:
- Was it a child (<18 years)
- Does perp have Care, Custody, and Control?
- Was there harm (physical, emotional, or sexual) to the child?
- did that harm get caused purposefully?
- Was it NOT a part of reasonable* discipline?
If all these are met, I could take the child and assign the case to family (not criminal) court.
*I added “reasonable” because sexual acts can count as discipline in a defense, but it would get thrown out. And yes, that is something I came across.
Here is the point I wanted to make:
In the state I’m from it USED TO be that there were 2 (technically ranges) AoC. 14-17, and 17-19. Anyone under 14 was off limits, anyone between 14-17 could have sex, and while 18 was the “legal” AoC, you could “get around” this at 17 because parents can’t report crimes against the “adult,” the child (who the law technically sees as an adult) has to. I use present tense because it’s still a thing.
On top of all of that, none of this really matters in a criminal sense. The paren could present a “no lo contesto” stating the evidence would clearly find them guilty and they don’t want to fight it. This would effectively just get the case to move on, but they wouldn’t take a “guilty” plea.
Also, with 100% of these cases of abuse I saw and dealt with (even death), parents didn’t go to jail. One that I was privy to was Tyreke Evans breaking his baby’s legs. He’s still playing football. He essentially TEXTED the mom to take the blame by manipulating her with threats. Police had that.
Aside: Now, I think it’s obvious since I wrote it, but what do you think the two ages of consent are?
If you feel gross after that, that’s expected.
My thesis statement no one is asking for at the end: I think it’s a cop out to say that “when we study another culture we cannot apply our own values.” The reason is we can study cultures, but still plainly see some things as disgusting. Like, I HATE the idea of incest in porn. I find the concept of “shota” and “loli” abhorrent. And I think it’s ok to see this all that way. Just because I see them in other cultures (even my own, really), doesn’t make them a net-neutral that we shouldn’t support the changing of.
In retrospect (35-40 years ago now) she was the keeper. She was sweet, quirky and supportive. Liked rock/metal, concerts, games, generally nerdy stuff like me. But…like a teenage dude as soon as someone exotic and hot showed interest I broke up with her. That exotic one “dear john lettered” me in basic training before Desert Storm and slept will all my friends. I think there’s a lesson in there somewhere.
Met her second year of uni. I must’ve been 20-26.
She drank too much and developed mental problems. She ditched me for a job abroad and came back blaming depression.
The sex was great. Like really great. I wish I was 20 again.
She realized far, far sooner than I did, that we’d made better friends than lovers. By the time I figured it out myself, we’d already split up and gone our separate ways. I haven’t seen her since, aside from one kinda shitty night where she’d cheated on her boyfriend… with my roommate. And that was several years ago.
I was 17/18, finishing high school and going in to college. To put it bluntly, she was pretty dumb, which is probably how I got with her to begin with. I was, of course blinded by the light, revved up like a douche, another runner in the night. She broke up with me before I left for college, so I luckily got out of that one.
She ended up dropping out of community college and became heavily religious after not showing a single interest in that sort of thing, at all, while we were together. Last I saw, she’s been going on mission trips for the last decade or so and seems happy, so I’m glad she found something she liked.
We were in college and it lasted about 18 months. It was great for that phase of our lives. We were just two young adults/kids figuring it out.
She was so gorgeous and a lot of fun. That was really nice as a college kid. We just got bored of each other.
The sex was great (and kind of ruined me for those who came afterwards). The rest of the relationship ranged from okay to incredibly stressful depending on what was going on in her head at the moment. She had mental health problems. Probably went on longer than it should have because I didn’t think I’d be able to find someone else. I will say she took more care not to hurt me than some of the women I dated since.
We’ve been married for 32 years, together for 39, and we raised three kids.
First girlfriend I moved in with ludicrously early, like 2 months into the relationship. That was a mistake!
lol. I was a big nerd and outside of a bit of dating only had one significant relationship before my wife and I was in my upper twenties at that point.
Mine was awful. I was 19. I look back at it and think that I could have been different, though. I should say she was abusive. But I also could have been more understanding and less obtuse. Would it have changed things? I wouldn’t bet money on it.
I’d tell my 19 year old self to lighten up. The things he cares about aren’t the things that matter to me now: looks, smoking weed, even “faithfulness.” Though, the last one would in a sense. But what really matters is that she treated me like shit.
