That is actually a specific unconscious-mind-development-stage, which I call Kegan3.

Scroll down to the table, & see the stage 3, with its “affectionate concordance” nature: that’s being-liked.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Kegan#The_Evolving_Self

Kegan3 ( I’m just indexing all the damn dimensions, now, instead of using traditional-names ) is the absorbing-experience stage of unconscious-mind development.

The unconscious-mind-development-stage after that is the pushing-out-identity-violating-meanings stage, Kegan4, aka BullingBOSS mode, or as Robert Kegan calls it, the self-authoring stage.

In the WEIRD professionals they were working with, in Europe, about 1/2 of the people they were working-with were Kegan3, & about 1/4 were Kegan4.

less than 1% were Kegan5, systems-of-systems unconscious-mind-development stage.

Their book ( Kegan’s the theorist, Lahey’s the convert theory into testable question & do the experiment person ) “Immunity to Change” is on how to unfuck one’s growing-up, because one’s unconscious-mind has a dysfunction-protection-mechanism which makes growing-up much harder than it need be. IOW, we’ve got an “immunity-to-change” mechanism in us, which breaks our remaining life-potential!

https://www.kobo.com/us/en/ebook/immunity-to-change-1

I’d require that book of all highschool kids, simply so that when it became time for THEM to need it … then they’d know to dig into that book, again, for their own life’s un-borking!

( I’d also glass-ceiling KeganStages, so that there’d be NO Kegan4’s in top management/leadership, ONLY Kegan5++.

In military context, I’d find some rank at-which it makes no sense to have Kegan3’s, & do everything we could to get everybody heading up toward that rank, up into their Kegan4 stage…

& do the same with 4->5.

Put the ceiling, and do everything we can to evolve all our people so the ceiling doesn’t interfere with anybody! )

Here’s an example of how the stages affect outcomes:

TeamA has a Kegan4 as their chief-negotiator: zero-sum game is the ONLY game they play, instinctively, in Kegan4.

TeamB fields a Kegan3 as their chief-negotiator, & domineer & doormat dynamic happens, they get completely locked into abusive-contract…

XOR

TeamB fields a Kegan5 as their chief-negotiator, & domineer+doormat dynamic happens to lesser-extent, but still happens, & it’s still an abusive result.

NOW, change it to BOTH teams fielding Kegan5’s:

Win-Win Alliance becomes possible now, because both are systems-creatures, & see the implications, & work to make this the best alliance for everyone-involved that they can…

Because of the way that works, 1st-choice is to have both sides represented by Kegan5’s, 2nd-choice is to have both sides represented by Kegan4’s.

Do NOT field a weaker unconscious-mind-development person than your opponent does: you lose, then.

Nobody’s telling people about this fundamental-dynamic, but it becomes obvious-as-hell, once one knows what one is seeing, & one keeps seeing, through years/decades…

Anyways, IF you want to get your unconscious-mind unborking YOUR life, then please dig into that book, & earn your own evolution!

Many are in intermediate-stages, mixtures, oh, & also it’s possible to be stuck in Kegan3 with one’s family, while in Kegan4 in other relationships, too: unconscious-minds being modal, after all…

( as multiple-personality-disorder proved, all along, & the fMRI video of personality-replacement in a single brain showed, some years ago )

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