Addiction is a hell of a beast to wrangle. Once the ball gets rolling, it takes so much more effort to put the bottle or pipe down, or whatever. I’m pretty sure I just gave my banking information and identity to a predatory “app” offering loans, because I wasted money and needed to make it up for my family. I did the same thing applying to work at a grocery store once, repeatedly entering my social security number as I got tossed between fake, scam applications. In present, I might have discerned the true nature of reality by logical deduction, but my judgment is comically bad. Like, outstandingly so.

That’s the reason the cult managed to sink their claws into me to condition me and warp my reality until I was their slave. I am way tf too agreeable and trusting. Thankfully, God found a use for me; I’m bait. Y’know, I don’t know what the year in the cult actually was, but I definitely did acquire the financial information of a “billionaire” who sold “perpetual motion devices” for 50k a pop. Yea, the FBI took that when they v& me a few years later. They plan shit out, I tell ya.

But I’m just hurting right now. I don’t have anybody to talk to besides my life partner and he’s a little too logical to be of use in quelling my emotions. My father threw me away like he threw away the rest of his family. I was never good enough for him and now in the present, I’m not even good enough for him to read my messages. Completely blocked me. My fucking father is prejudiced against his own son because, in his words, “I’m too bizarre.”

I’m so God damn broken inside, and you boys of the physicalist universe better understand that God healed my fucking ass. God literally miracled my ass up here to get to this point today. That’s why I’m not completely out for the count in the shit-winds I’m subjected to via Karma. Children, by default, WILL NOT understand that I’ve felt God’s unconditional love. It’s so majestic and freeing and rejuvenating. If I didn’t have God leading me, I would be dead on the streets by now. I’m so grateful and so ashamed I’m so unworthy.

I wrote all this post then wrote this poem:

Master, I only wish to serve

Father - from fist - I swerve

Do not resist is the evil I be

I know how to destroy God

I am that fucking ugly Odd!

But that’s something the cult did, make me make my art, which genuinely, although it completely operated as a cult does, I believe it was a government reconditioning program that others were getting brought to as well. There’s so much shit going on in plain sight.

When I was a militant atheist, I would have never given this hippie environmental nonprofit a second thought. Now I understand they went deep into woo so they can attract a person who genuinely believes the Earth is flat and NASA is actually our intelligence agency. Those exist, as in, there was a “Belgium flat-earther” who joined our group, but that mother fucker was definitely Mossad or some shit, because he was a monk beyond monks as far as willpower and skill of communication goes.

Ate one orange in a ceremony. Went eight days without eating anything. The day he ate eight oranges at once, after fasting, the woman controlling our sect went psycho, because of the fractal apod of natural demands - by which I mean our systems were cared for while being abused by larger-systemic agents.

Why is “New York” New York? Oh, the government said this land is what? There’s also what God planned, as in, there was going to be a spot in “America” which produced both “Joseph Smith” AND “Victorious Indigo Phoenix,” and you children that haven’t been passively keeping up with what I have done over this past decade, well, at least I will offer my servitude to y’all, which I say in response to all these ad agencies, specifically today, after deliberately applying for predatory loans, meaning, the people who set up this experiment are getting some damn godly, not even good, God must deliberately be giving them impunity to strike the daemons that make up modern society, and thus predators fell for traps today because of me.

No one told me this. I deduced it. ;)