Emotional dysregulation is a common outcome for ND people. I think a significant root cause is invalidation. ND people have a different lived experience to most people and when that is combined with a societal environment that rewards conformance and punishes divergence, which usually manifests as confrontational outbursts (typically masculine) or fawning-avoidant (typically feminine) behaviour that seems dysfunctional to an onlooker.

These effects can amplify over time if not dealt with and they explain many of the negative life outcomes for ND people, reduced employment, increased criminal convictions, diminished academic achievement and increased mortality. I don’t know what it’s like elsewhere but in England the state of mental healthcare is truly shameful. I don’t consider the English to be a humane society, they treat pets with more care.

The good news is that it can be successfully treated and depending on when you start that process I think it’s possible to lead a life that isn’t constantly ambushed by emotional dysregulation. I was diagnosed at 47 ADHD, now 51 and while I am much better than I was there is a long road ahead. Still, what else am I gonna do?

This also happens to me, but I’ve noticed it’s only a very specific combination of factors that triggers it.

• It has to be a high stakes engagement. Something that matters deeply to me.
• It has to be addressed now, no delaying or waiting until I calm down. Either because it’s time critical or the other person refuses to let me disengage and follows me.
• Talking is the only option. There’s no other solution to this confrontation than words. I’m not good at words so this stresses me out.
• The other person has all the power in this confrontation. If I do nothing, they “win” by default
• The other person doesn’t agree with me, and no matter what I say, it’s not working.

So really it only happens for me when I’m backed into a corner and have to talk my way out. I get upset because it’s actually an unwinnable war. Actually, typing this out makes me feel a bit better about it, because it’s obvious there was never going to be a good outcome in those kinds of “discussions” anyway.

from what I’ve learned it’s not typical of autism directly, but a typical pattern of people with PTSD and RSD tied into social and relationship experiences. PTSD in turn is common among autistic people and all Neurodivergents, and RSD is common among AuDHDers (and of course ADHDers).

i also get overwhelmed quickly in emotionally sensitive discussions, or even discussions about the topic of emotions.

Yeah, the diagnosis goes “trouble processing emotion”, not " has no emotion". Being overwhelmed by conflict comes with the territory

In arguments with my wife, where I’ve felt backed into a corner, I’ve giggled. Couldn’t help it. Couldn’t stop it. That became another discussion, she was understanding.

Has there been an opportunity to “pause” the argument? to put it on hold?

I would suggest that so as to have an opportunity to feel/recover in a low-pressure environment.

I understand this is probably a rare and unfamiliar occurance, still I urge to experiment.

Kinda same here. I might start crying from frustration and this causes many issues, mainly it makes people misunderstand the whole situation. And trying to explain anything after that is pretty much impossible, except with my fiancé.