When my kids ask me to give them something I’ll grab it and hand it over. But before they can grab it I’ll move it slightly and say stuff like,“what happened? Did your hands stop working? Grab it it’s right there!” Do they like it? No. Does it hurt them. Also no. Do I celebrate when they grab it finally? Yes.
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I wanted my kid, now an adult, to know he could trust me, even if he couldn’t trust anyone else. To be his safe port, his home. So I never fucked with him, even as a joke. It’s not the relationship I wanted with him. He has friends to do that.
I’m not everything to him, I can’t be that. But, I am consistently reliable. He knows he can count on me, I’ve proved it over and over with my actions.
My dad did stuff like this, we were close right to the end.
When in the right mood, I take things super literally. “Dad can you move?” Then proceed to wiggle about. Typically in front of the tv.
Occasionally I’ll be asked to fill a water bottle, I’ll offer every suggestion but water. “How much milk should I put in? None? Crackers? Honey? I don’t think our dog fits.”
I also get asked “do you know what would be a crazy idea?” Which is my time to shine, they’ve typically got something in mind with trains or Lego, but I’ll start with “53 chickens going to the movies, in one trenchcoat” or something similarly bonkers.
Love it.
Just the usual “hi [x] I’m dad” whenever they say “I’m [x]”. And a little bit of dad-taxing on treats I get for them. Nothing out of the ordinary.
We have these ceramic cups that we have silverware in. They’re each labeled “spoons” “knives” “forks”. We store them face down so you grab a handle when removing it.
Every so often when unloading the dishwasher I’ll slip a spoon into the fork cup. Or a fork into the spoon cup.
I love the frustration sigh when someone (wife included) snags a fork when trying to sit down with a bowl of cereal or ice cream.
They usually don’t notice until they’re already at the table.
When my kids were little, a Mister Softee driver gave away matchbox-sized Mister Softee trucks. They had a button on top that would play the song.
I got one. From time to time, I’d pull it out of it’s hiding place and press the button. My kids would lose their minds and run outside looking for the truck.
I still have it, but the battery inside is dead, and it wasn’t designed to be replaceable.
That is magnificent. 10/10.
When he acts up, and I’m holding something, I pretend to drop it on his head… very slowly, which results in a feather tap and me making a huge crashing noise with my mouth.
It’s quite interesting because it makes him laugh and yet he also seems to understand that he’s being reprimanded for something and tries not to do it again. (bonus points)
Are you my dad?
Haha
SON? Is that you?
