Neighbors who use you for free childcare

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is WineyPrincesss. She posted in r/neighborsfromhell

Thank you to Reddit user u/LucyAriaRose for compiling this and their thanks is: Thanks to u/BakingGiraffeBakes for the rec!

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is over 7 days old.

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happy ending I guess, but confusing, frustrating and weird

Original Post: August 2, 2025

Our new neighbors moved in this past winter, so we’ve known them for maybe three months. At first, everything was great. They seemed friendly, and our kids (along with the other neighborhood kids) got along well. Our neighborhood has this informal setup where the kids “yard hop,” and we all take turns supervising. It’s been a really fun, communal vibe…until recently. The dynamic completely changed when the wife returned to work from maternity leave. It became immediately clear that the husband cannot handle both of their kids on his own, especially their older child (age 4).

Here’s what keeps happening: within minutes of getting home, he finds whatever neighbor child is outside and dumps his 4-year-old with them — no heads-up, no check-in with the adult at home, no offer to return shortly or hang around. He’ll say something vague like “I need to check on the baby” and then disappear for 1–2 hours.

I’m not exaggerating. He’s literally opened my closed backyard gate, sent his child in, and walked past me on the porch without saying a single word — leaving me to supervise without ever asking if that’s okay. My problem with this is that their child isn’t self-sufficient like the other neighborhood kids. They still need help using the bathroom, getting dressed, eating snacks, riding a bike, etc. I don’t mind helping kids in general — but helping someone else’s 4-year-old with personal care like bathroom use or dressing? That crosses a line IMO. Still, the dad acts like I’m just expected to do it. He’s told his child to go inside MY house to get a snack or use the bathroom, saying I’LL help, again, without asking. (I’ve started telling them to go find their dad if they need these things—I can be passive aggressive too, dude).

That’s not even the half of it. The parents regularly invite themselves over. They help themselves to food and drinks from our patio during our family pool nights (Fridays are kind of our thing with pizza and swimming). I explained multiple times that it’s a potluck-style situation and everyone brings something, but they continue to show up empty-handed and eat whatever’s available.

And the pool situation? Every single time we swim, they send their child over in a swimsuit. No asking. No checking if it’s okay. They just open the gate and in their child comes. We’ve sent them back to get an adult, but when the dad finally does show up, he plops on a deck chair, stares at his phone, and still doesn’t watch. Meanwhile, their child needs constant assistance in the pool, which makes it impossible for us to properly supervise our own slightly older (but still non-touching) kids. Our kids can swim without floaties and need close supervision as well, but their kid is hanging all over us demanding our undivided attention the entire time.

We’ve tried setting firm limits, like saying “no swimming today” when we’re hosting a family-only event. Their child throws a huge meltdown. And suddenly we’re the villains for not letting someone else’s kid crash our pool party.

I’m exhausted. I didn’t sign up to be their free babysitter, lifeguard, snack provider, and summer camp coordinator. My subtle boundary-setting has been completely ignored. I’ve tried being polite, but it’s not working. I don’t want to cause drama or burn bridges. They’re going to be here long-term and our kids will likely go to school together. But I now hide inside when they’re outside because I just can’t deal with them anymore and my summer is being tainted because they have no boundaries.

Has anyone else dealt with this? How do I set stronger boundaries without creating a huge neighborhood feud?

Edit: Our pool is locked at all times unless we are in it. When I say gate it means our yard gate not the pool gate, it seems that part was confusing. We always lock our pool!

Some of OOP’s Comments:

Glittering-Set-2510: Talk to the wife, Does she know her husband is dumping the 4yo on you?

OOP: Doubt it, she works 12 hour shifts and is exhausted when she gets home. I don’t see much of her until the weekend. I don’t know how to approach it tbh.

Knitsanity: (Top Comment) I am sorry but this whole situation hinges completely and utterly on you. You need to say no. You need to take the kid back to Dad every time. You need to put a lock on your gate.

You are old enough to have a house and children. Use your words. Do you really care if the moochers are mad at you? Are any of the other neighbors tired of being used?

The wandering in on Friday empty handed? No way.

OOP: We’ve talked to a few other neighbors and they are annoyed he disappears for hours and their kid is at their house need all this extra attention. They don’t have the pool issues because we’re the only one with a pool.
I’ve started saying no, thought I made that clear in my post but thanks for your very kind words. This went on for about a month until I started to shut it down. But it isn’t the KID’S fault and they shouldn’t be shunned or not able to play because their dad can’t be a parent for a few hours after work. I’m not cool with punishing a kid for their parent’s choices. So when they need help, I send them to their dad. Period.

In response to a longer Comment:

lol my parents said to lock the gate too, it’s wrought iron so I’d have to get a padlock for it. Not against the idea but don’t know if I’m ready for that level of petty but I’m here for it in the future!
Love how you worded the feedback for the parents. Putting that in my back pocket for sure! I don’t have their email but I guess I could text the wife that. I want it to seem natural and not out of the blue so I’ll waiting for the next time we swim, which will probably be later today or tomorrow!

OOP adds:

We have backyard camera and lock is on pool at all times.

Where they live:

We 100% live in the Midwest, we grew up around here and the neighborhood dynamic (yard hopping) is what kids do. It’s wild to me the people that are appalled by this because this is the norm where I’m from. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Mini Update Comment: August 3, 2025 (Next Day)

They f’d off this weekend thank goodness. We’ve been swimming all day! I’m looking forward to them coming home and me telling them it’s a family day and they can’t. That’s my new answer every time now. Also considering a privacy fence for next summer.

Mini Update Comment: August 21, 2025 (19 days from OG post)

Any update?

Not much, really. The neighbor husband finally upset my husband enough to cut relationship ties (that’s a whole other loooong story). We’re cordial with them but every time they ask to swim our answer is either not today or we invite family over and say it wouldn’t be appropriate for them to crash. The past few weeks we’ve either been out of town or they have so we haven’t had much chance to confront anyone, I don’t think it’s necessary at this point tbh. They seem to have gotten the message since they royally pissed my husband off and have backed off a lot since then.

I was supposed to have a “play date” with just the wife and was planning on talking to her then but she canceled last minute and we haven’t rescheduled. (The play date was her idea, I was confused as to why a scheduled play date was necessary when my kids are always outside and she can just send her kid out to play too but whatever)

So unfortunately, no drama (yet). We always have a bit showing for Halloween in our neighborhood and my family basically tailgates in our garage as we pass out candy, I’m interested to see if they try to crash it (which the answer will be no). Hopefully my rbf and our lack of being overly friendly gives them a “f off” vibe by then. Knowing her, she’ll passive aggressively text me if something is wrong before then and this time I won’t hold back.

Stay tuned. I’ll update if anything happens.

Mini Update Update: October 10, 2025 (2 months from OG post)

No dramatic update unfortunately. We stopped having them over and told them no when they’d ask to swim. I’d send their kid back if they asked for help with something or needed anything. The message seemed to be received that we were done with their bs and we basically ignored each other for months. They barely came outside during that period of time so it wasn’t like we went out of our way to ignore them, we’d wave but that’s it.

I just had my first cordial conversation with them over the weekend, actually. I hadn’t spoken more than a “hello” to them since August prior to that. With our pool now closed, my point of contention with them has eased but it took time for me to be even friendly towards them again. The wife got a new job where she’s home earlier so that helped with the dad problem. They are definitely people that use others for their own advantage and I see that now, won’t be sucked into that again next summer.

Update Post: July 15, 2026 (Just shy of 1 year from OG post)

It’s been a year and I am happy to say the neighbors finally got the hint! (Kind of, it took some time and not so subtle f-off vibes)

It all really came to a head in October, Halloween, specifically. Halloween is always a big event at our house. My family comes over to pass out candy, and cousins join us for trick-or-treating, so there are always a lot of people, food, and chaos.

The neighbors came over completely uninvited. The husband said his kid wanted to say hi. Fine, whatever. I turned around and caught him helping himself to the pizza on our food table, feeding not only his kid but himself. I was already in a terrible mood for unrelated reasons, so I sarcastically said, “Make yourself at home, why don’t you?” He left shortly after, but then the wife wandered over…and started eating our food too! That was it, I was done. You show up to a family gathering you weren’t invited to and then start eating someone else’s food? Who does that?

Fast forward to early May. After months of zero contact and absolutely no effort on our part to be friendly, I was in the backyard alone with my kids. My husband’s hobby keeps him away most Sunday afternoons, and my neighbors know that. The kids were playing while I was doing work related things on my laptop at the patio table. Our yards are separated by 4-foot fences because of city ordinances, so I could see the rude neighbors in their yard as well.

I loudly reminded my kids they needed to stay in our yard because I had to get dinner started soon and wanted to keep an eye on them. Not even two minutes later, I looked up and saw the husband…standing in my backyard. He had simply opened our fence gate and walked in with his kid.

No “Hi.” No “Is this okay?” Nothing.

He just stood there about three feet away from me while his kid played. I was completely speechless and incredibly uncomfortable. I didn’t like that this man felt comfortable enough to walk in a person’s yard uninvited. One who knew my husband wasn’t home, he never does this crap when my husband is there, or at least isn’t so creepy about it. Thankfully, my youngest got hurt after about three minutes and came crying over to me. They left shortly afterward, and my husband got home not long after that. The first thing I told him was to bungee our fence gate shut on their side. We can’t permanently lock the gate because our fertilizer company comes whenever they feel like it without giving us any notice, but a bungee cord does the job well enough.

The following Sunday, he tried it again. He walked over to the gate, stopped when he saw the bungee cord, and then turned around. Instead, he took his kid to the front of the house, and the whole family went for a walk. I was left in peace and he hasn’t tried it since!

About a week later, the wife texted asking if I’d like to meet for coffee soon. I politely declined meeting somewhere and told her that if there was something she wanted to chat about, we could just have coffee in our own backyards.

I immediately told my husband, “Pool season is coming. I bet she suddenly wants to be friends so we’ll invite them over to swim.” She never followed up. Never came over. Never tried to have the conversation. I’m outside with the kids every single day, there’s been plenty of opportunities to chat. She just gets out of her car and goes inside her house without saying anything. Fine with me.

Honestly, I’m not interested in hearing whatever she had to say, so I let it go and put the ball in her court.

She’s only reached out one other time since. It started with, “How are you guys doing with this heat wave?” small talk and quickly turned into, “Can I ask you for a favor?” It wasn’t anything but texting her some school information, but I should’ve seen that coming.

They’re users. They only invest in relationships when there’s something in it for them. That isn’t going to be us. They only want the “it takes a village” community if they benefit from it, not contributing anything at all on their end.

Now we’re in the pool almost every day. They either close their blinds whenever we’re outside or come out to water their plants while glaring at us the entire time.

I don’t care anymore about being neighborly to them. There was a point where we seriously considered moving because I dreaded what our future summers would be like. Then we decided we weren’t going to spend our summer living in fear of our neighbors. Turns out…they’ve done nothing.

My favorite part, though?

They bungeed their gate too.

Bro…we’re not the ones walking into other people’s backyards uninvited. Is that supposed to send us a message? It makes me laugh every time I go water the plants on that side of the yard. 😂

So that’s the one-year update.

For now, it seems the message has finally been received and I can relax in my yard in peace. I’m not dumb, though, summer isn’t over and I’m keeping my head on a swivel.

Some of OOP’s Comments:

More clarification because there were so many comments:

We have an above ground pool with a locked gate. My 4 foot fence is my yard fence, not pool fence.
Our yard and pool are code complaint. 😊
To another commenter:
I merely mentioned the fact that our fence was 4 foot tall to emphasize the fact that we can see our neighbors every time we’re outside and vice versa. Thank you for your concern but we passed all code inspections for our set up.
To another commenter:
City code doesn’t allow for 6ft fences in my town, unfortunately. Price is not the problem, ordinance is. I would happily pay for it if we could!

KnownBodybuilder4948: I’d plant some nice landscape screening along that common fence line. Fast-growing lilac bushes, dwarf fruit trees, whatever.

OOP: Thank you! We talked about this! There’s some sort of arborvitae species that grows fast that we’ve talked about planting as well. It’s on the list! ☺️
OOP adds:
We’ve also joked about putting an addition on that side of the yard. A 4 seasons room or something to block their view of the patio area at least. Ideas are brewing over here!

-DeathBySnuSnu-: What does the dynamic look like with the other neighbors now?
Do you still kinda rotate watching each other’s kids? Or is that kinda ruined now because you don’t want to encourage the hell neighbor to drop their kid off too?

OOP: The only mom that still talks to them is across the street but she has ties to the schools here and feels she has to be nice for her job (her words). I get it, that would suck. The other kids in the neighborhood are 3-5 years older than their kids and don’t care much because their kids are much younger. My kids play with their kids occasionally in the front yard but they honestly never come outside anymore.
The yard hopping still happens but it is much less than last year which is a bummer. The kids are also older and ride their bikes to other streets to see their friends now, or are in summer programs/sports so that plays into it too.

b7lasagne: *(heavily downvoted- I’m including because of OOP’s responses)*The problem is you women communicate with hints. Fuck that. Say what you want to say.

OOP: And as women we have to be careful what we say and who we say it to. We never know how you men will react to our precious feelings. Should I have screamed at a man who is much larger than me standing in my yard uninvited when my husband wasn’t home and he knew it? Smh, you don’t think about this stuff but we do. All the time because that’s how we have to think.

b7lasagne: You neednt get into a physical nor screaming match. A simple excuse me i dont appreciate you walking into our yard uninvited would suffice

OOP: I explained to a previous poster I was so flabbergasted that he was in my yard in the first place, it took some time to properly formulate words so they wouldn’t have come out sarcastic or with an impatient (or outright mean) tone because that’s how done I was with him at that point. My kid then got hurt and the moment was over and they left while I was consoling my child.
It’s easy for you to analyze from the outside, not so simple to do in that moment, which was a total of 2-3 whole minutes. But before you come at me with the “you women” comments, please think about how that would look or feel from a woman’s perspective. I’m a small woman who has been raised in a world where we have to be careful around men because you don’t know how they’ll react to the word “no”.

Top Comment:

Coquitlam444: Of course they bungeed their gate too 🤦‍♀️